I dated my husband for three years before we got married. Right after I finished writing my last paper in school, he proposed to me. Those were some of the happiest years of my life. He loved me in ways that made me believe we would last forever. So when he asked me to marry him, I said yes without thinking twice because I truly loved him.

A few months after our wedding, I accidentally found out that he had been having an affair with my niece. Deep down, I already suspected he was cheating while I was writing my exams, but I had no proof, so I ignored the feeling and focused on school.

When I finally found out the truth, I was heavily pregnant, and all I wanted was peace for the sake of my baby. But what hurt me the most was not even the cheating. It was the way he acted afterward.

When I confronted him, he showed no remorse at all. Instead, he said he had done nothing wrong. He even told me that if anyone in my family had a problem with it, they could do whatever they wanted. Since then, we have been living separately. He only comes around when he feels like it or when there is a family gathering.

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He is my husband, but we do not live like husband and wife. We do not plan together, build together, or even spend quality time together. At one point, he enrolled in a pastor’s school to become a minister, and I found out much later from other people. When I asked him why he never told me, he said it was because I was still in school.

Whenever he comes around, he barely spends time with me or the children. Everything else seems more important to him than his own family.

Recently, my eldest son asked me, “Why does Daddy never spend time teaching us or talking to us?” Honestly, I could not answer him because I ask myself the same question every day.

Sometimes I wonder if this man ever loved me or if he only married me because I was available. I feel so unwanted in this marriage, and deep down, I believe he may even have another woman or family somewhere else. I am not working, but he does not seem to care. I am only 25 years old, but the stress and pain have made me look far older than my age. My life has become full of emotional pain, depression, frustration, and tears.

For years, I kept hoping things would change between us, but now I honestly feel like he is not interested in fixing this marriage. And I do not want to waste all my youthful years with someone who does not respect, value, or appreciate me. He once even told me that I was married to him but not part of his family.

I sacrificed everything for this man. There was another man who once wanted to help me start a business, build a house for me, and later marry me, but I turned him down because I chose love and believed in my husband. I believed I was making the right choice.

Now my family, especially my mother, no longer likes him because of the way he has treated me.

I feel like I allowed this man to use me simply because I loved him too much to say no, and this is how he has paid me back.

The painful part is that he is a pastor. Sometimes I wonder how he helps other people fix their homes while his own marriage is falling apart.

Now this is where I need advice.

There was a man who liked me years ago, but I never gave him a chance because he was much older than me. Recently, he called me after meeting my elder brother, who gave him my number. Since then, he has been telling me to give him a chance and allow him to help me build my life.

Part of me wants to move on because my husband clearly is not ready to change, and I cannot continue living like this forever. I want a better life for myself and my children.

But another part of me feels guilty, like I would be doing something wrong.

I have two children, a boy and a girl. My eldest son is not my husband’s biological child, but he is the one asking why the man he calls Daddy never has time for them.

So please tell me honestly, would I be a bad person if I decided to move on with my life?

This is a man who once told another woman that he was not married and was still searching. I saw the message on his phone myself, and ever since then, I have not stopped thinking about it.

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

If he can boldly go around presenting himself as a single man, then what about me? Am I supposed to keep suffering in silence while he lives however he wants?

So after everything, would I really be wrong for finally choosing myself?

—Julie

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