I made a mistake marrying my husband. It wasn’t for love or affection or even connection. I didn’t like anything about him but I convinced myself that with time, the love would come. I went ahead and said yes to his marriage proposal because he was ready, had the resources, and promised a better future.

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I didn’t know him from anywhere. He appeared in my life when I was going through troubles in my relationship. The guy I had dated for five years, Moses, didn’t know whether he was going to marry me or not. I loved him but he was too far away from achieving anything worthwhile in his life.

He was a graduate but didn’t have a job during the first two years we started dating. He was living in his parents’ house even when he started working. One of his sisters told me, “Advise Moses to leave that house or else he’ll never make it in life.”

When I told Moses what his sister said, he laughed at me and told me I shouldn’t believe the superstitious nonsense coming from his sister. When he found a job, I asked him about his plans concerning the two of us. He said he had no specific plans but was waiting to see where the wind would blow us.

“The wind’s blow is not a strategy. You have to determine where you will land when the wind comes,” I told him. All he said was, “Let’s see.”

We had dated for five years and still there was no clear direction. That was when Hanson appeared out of nowhere and asked if I was ready to welcome a man like him into my life. Hanson had lived abroad and had married before, but the marriage ended badly. He blamed it on the color of his wife and said he would marry from home this time.

He narrated everything he went through in his first marriage and I pitied him. He said, “If you tell me you’re ready, we will be married within a year and a few months later you would be with me.”

I agreed to marry him. But before anything concrete happened between us, I ran to Moses and told him I was leaving. He laughed at me, thinking I loved him too much to leave. He was right, I loved him too much, but this time I could leave. I broke up with him sharp-sharp so I could go ahead and welcome Hanson into my life.

If Moses thought I was joking, a few days later he heard I’d introduced Hanson to my parents as my new boyfriend. He called me on the phone crying. “You’re leaving me because you found somebody else?” I answered, “I’m leaving because you don’t want to leave your ancestral home and make life better for yourself.”

He begged. He saw me in Hanson’s car twice and he nearly collapsed. He would call and say, “I will be rich one day and buy cars too ooo. Don’t leave me now because it doesn’t look good today.” I was frank with him when I said, “I have slept with him several times. It only means I’m not coming back to you.”

Hanson went back abroad and Moses tried to get me back. I was resolute. I loved him. I didn’t love Hanson, yet I placed everything on the line for Hanson. Less than a year later, he was back for our marriage to happen. By then, Moses had realized that nothing he would say would bring me back, so he had gradually left the scene. They said he attended my wedding but I didn’t see him.

After the wedding, I was in bed with Hanson when he tried to kiss me. My body unconsciously crawled away from him instinctively. He said, “What’s wrong?” I answered, “It was instinctive. I didn’t see you coming.”

That day I knew I was in for a big problem. How was I going to keep a marriage going if I didn’t love my husband? He stayed for two months before he left the country. When he was leaving, I was pregnant. I didn’t tell him. I quietly got rid of it. I wasn’t ready to bear children, especially when we were not living together abroad as he promised.

He’d been gone for almost a year and had never mentioned anything about me joining him. When I brought the topic up, he asked me, “Did you marry me because you loved me or because you wanted to travel abroad?” I kept quiet and decided not to raise it again.

You might think Moses would do better in life to shame me but guess what, life was still beating him even worse than when I left him. He was working but nothing about him showed he received a salary. He turned to betting and became a big-time betting addict. But I looked at him and still loved the man I saw. One evening I sneaked into his house.

No, I didn’t go there for anything untoward. I only went to advise him to leave their house and rent a place for himself because whatever his sister said might be the truth. All his siblings who left were doing better in life. They were not rich but were doing better. He asked, “If I become rich tomorrow, will it change anything?”

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It’s been two years since I got married. I’m still living in Ghana while I talk to my husband once every two days or sometimes not at all for days. He has come to Ghana once and while he was here, we fought like enemies. I asked him to divorce me and let me be because obviously, he didn’t mean anything he said before marriage. He threw the same line at me again, “Did you marry me because you wanted to travel abroad?”

I will wake up one day and divorce him and set myself free. Moses didn’t work. Hanson obviously will not work. What’s the use?

—Efia

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