We got married thirteen years ago and have four children. My husband has eight children in total, with four outside our marriage by three different women. We have four together. He started his family when he was out of town for his national service. I had no idea at the time, though I honestly do not know if knowing would have changed my decision to marry him.
What happened was that he got a woman pregnant during his service. They decided to keep the baby, but I never got a whiff of it while we were dating. He would come visit, we would talk, and everything seemed normal. If a man was hiding something as big as this, you know, even a whiff of it, something about him would change, and you’d begin to suspect it. That was not the case for me. After his service, he started doing well financially, and a few years later, we began preparing for marriage. That was when I finally found out. It took a lot of forgiving, but I chose to stay.
After we had our first child together, I discovered he had gone out and gotten another woman pregnant. Once again, I forgave him, stayed, and gave birth to our second child.
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While I was pregnant with our third child, I found a report card in my husband’s bag. I asked him what that was. It was a hospital report. It belonged to the first child from his first baby mama, and I soon realized she was pregnant for him yet again. We were dealing with that.
As if that was not enough, I received a call from a colleague I attended school with. We exchanged pleasantries, and she told me, “I don’t know how to say this, but it looks weird. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but I want to ask a question.”
I shook my head in answer. “What is going on?”
She answered, “A woman has been visiting the facility pregnant, and the name of her husband on her file is your husband’s name.”
My heart missed a beat. I knew what my husband was capable of, but then I didn’t want to believe that he could go to that extent. So we compared phone numbers. The number on the file and my husband’s number. My husband is the father of that child somewhere.
I cried and confronted him, but he was never remorseful. Not even a feeble sorry, or even an attempt to blame it on the devil who was walking around destroying marriages. He looked me in the eye with not even a single string of guilt or remorsefulness there.
I wanted to leave, but I consoled myself with the fact that he takes care of all his children. As for that one, I can’t take it away from him. They don’t lack. They have in excess. Where else could I get this kind of provision from again?
So I allowed peace to reign and had our fourth child. I kept that pregnancy hoping for a boy since all my children are girls. Maybe if I am his wife and I give birth to a boy, he may have a change of heart, his heart will come home again to us. So I prayed and hoped, but I delivered another girl. A very beautiful girl.
All the years I have been married, I have never called in any family members over these issues, but I cannot sleep knowing he wants to be with this same woman after all these years. My biggest problem is that my husband wants to settle down with her at all costs, come rain or shine.
I won’t lie, it is hurting me because this same woman influenced him to insult me and my family back in 2019. He sees nothing wrong with what happened, but I cannot live with it anymore. It is causing me far more harm than good, and I just learned he is even building a house for her. I don’t have a house of my own; he has not even talked about putting up a house for me, but his girlfriend.
Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?
I have forgiven all his past mistakes without ever getting an apology, but this latest development has really shattered me. I am in so much pain, especially knowing my salary alone cannot put my children through school. I am certain it is time to leave this marriage, and even the children are exhausted by the atmosphere at home.
How do I handle this next step?
— Lau
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