I met Zulka on Facebook, and we started talking. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend but the conversations we had indicated that he was interested in me. One thing he said that excited me was, “I will come and see your family in May next year.” By then we were in December 2021, so I marked 2022 as the year we would get married.

As time went on I started having second thoughts about him, and his desire to meet my family. He had a habit of ignoring my texts, even when he was online. When I asked about it he got defensive, “Why are you asking me to give you a report of my social media activities? Don’t you trust me?” Truly, I did not trust him. That is why when he asked about my sexual experience I told him I had never been with anyone.

Technically, I wasn’t a virgin when he asked me the question. A man who worked for my aunt defiled me when I was barely fourteen years old. This is not the kind of information you share with people, even if that person is a love interest. He also asked me if I had read the entire Quran. I answered, “Yes, I have read and even memorized the entire book.” He was surprised but he believed me.

As time went on, communication became scarce in our relationship. When I tried to get him to talk to me he said, “I am not sure I want to be with you anymore. It exhausts me every time you question my love for you.” I was disappointed at how easily he gave up on us but I let him go. I was determined to move on and forget all about him. However, he insisted on keeping in touch with me. Once in a while, he would call to check on me. By and by he started calling frequently. Our conversations got deeper and deeper, and the next thing I knew, we were talking about marriage again.

By the time we got married May 2022 had long passed, but it did not matter. The most important thing was that he came back to me. Shortly after we got married, I found out that my husband was talking to his ex-girlfriend. When I confronted him he said, “I don’t want to hurt her feelings by cutting her off.”

“What about my feelings as your wife?”

He shrugged, “I married you, not her. Shouldn’t that be enough for you?”

“You say you married me but do your friends on social media know this? You have never posted my photos on any of your handles. It looks like you are hiding our marriage.”

“I will post you when the time is right,” he assured me. I am still waiting for the time to be right.

We were sitting together with his friend one day when he asked me out of nowhere, “Did you say you read and memorized the Quran from cover to cover?” I did not want to embarrass myself in front of his friend so I lied again. I told myself, “I will read and memorize the Holy Book very soon, so it won’t make a difference.” Before I got the chance to do that, he asked me again if I truly memorized the Quran. He didn’t believe I could even read the book. At this point, I had gone too far in my web of lies to come clean. So I added another lie to the pile, “Yes, I can recite everything.” He then asked me to say a verse from the Quran, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know any verses.

He shook his head, “I knew you were lying. I started having doubts about you on our wedding night. I could tell you were not a virgin. So what else have you lied to me about?” I wanted to tell him about the abuser but I was not sure how he would react so I kept quiet. In response to my silence, he confessed, “I can never trust you again. It makes me regret that I even married you.” “Forgive me,” I pleaded, “I will take this opportunity to learn the Quran.” But the harm has been done already. I have even started learning the Holy Book to prove that I regret my actions. However, he is unmoved.

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In an attempt to salvage the situation, I gathered courage and came clean about the abuse I suffered as a child. Nonetheless, that did not change his mind about me. He insisted that I was a liar and that he should have married his ex, instead of me. He went ahead to tell his brother all sorts of things about me, including the fact that I was not a virgin when he married me. He made it clear that he no longer wants to stay with me.

While all this was going on I got a message from someone stating that my husband has a child with someone. I asked his brother, and he said he didn’t know anything about it. So I confronted my husband with anger and pain in my heart. “Is this message true? Do you have a child out of wedlock? If happens that you cheated on me I will leave the marriage, and God will not forgive you.”

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Zulka responded to my confrontation in anger, ‘We are having problems and you have chosen to believe something that is not even true. Look at how you’ve taken advantage of the situation to disrespect me and call me names.” I know that I was wrong when I presumed the message was true. I acted out of jealousy and anger. I have apologized several times but he won’t forgive me.

I sincerely love my husband. I want us to work things out, but all he keeps saying is that he should not have married me. True, I shouldn’t have lied to him right from the beginning, and I am sorry that I did. So why won’t he forgive me? I tried for us to see a counselor but the sessions are expensive. He refuses to listen to his brother. I am at my wit’s end. Please, help me save my marriage. What else can I do to make things right?

–Amirah

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