I didn’t have friends because of my father. He was strict and possessive. If he saw me talking to a boy, he would come drive the boy away and warn him never to come close to me again. Then he would warn me not to talk to boys because boys could get me pregnant. My mom would send me to go and buy stuff across the street and my dad would follow me in the shadows. I wouldn’t know until I stopped to talk to a classmate who was a boy and a man tried to stop me.

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I’m his only girl child out of five children and also the last born. Even my mom had issues with the way my dad overprotected me. Because of how he raised me, I went to SHS and couldn’t relate with boys. University was bad. I had no boy skills. I stayed out of guys’ way completely. The only guy who came close to becoming a boyfriend left me because I wouldn’t kiss him. Not that I didn’t want to. I didn’t know how to do it.

After university, you would think my dad would stop that behavior but no. He told Sammy, a good friend of mine, to be careful if he had bad intentions. “If you hurt my daughter, I would come for you. You should know that.”

With time Sammy disappeared. My mom fought with him time and time again but my dad said, “You think I’m doing too much but look at who we have here. A lawyer in the making and you think my parenting skills are bad?”

My first year at law school, I’d come home for something I’ve forgotten when I met Joseph after church. We were in front of the church talking. Not knowing all that while my dad was watching us from within the church, I didn’t know. Joseph was new around and said it was his first time seeing me in church. I told him I was in school and just came back home. He said he wanted to know me more so I should give him my number. Just when I was typing my number on his phone, my dad appeared.

I finished typing the number and gave his phone back to him. My dad came to stand next to him, looked at his face and then mine. He said, “Are you Mr. Abankwa’s son?” Joseph nodded. My dad continued, “What do you need my daughter’s number for?”

Confused, Joseph looked at my face so I told my dad he was a friend who lost my number and I gave it back to him. My dad responded, “You don’t even know how to lie. I know his dad, that should tell you I know him more than you do.” He turned to Joseph and told him, “If you don’t have a good heart towards her, delete her number. But if you don’t, I’ll talk to your father and make him a witness before you make any wrong move.”

I was in school when Joseph called. My dad had gone to see Joseph’s dad and had told him the two of us were dating so he should be a witness. I was pissed but he was laughing. He said, “Don’t worry. He made the job easy. The two old guys know we are dating so what do you say?”

My answer came much later when I got comfortable with him. My dad would meet him in church and ask him how I was doing and the last time we spoke. His dad called some days to ask how I was doing in school. We had no chance to make mistakes because they were watching us, making sure we succeeded. The day after my bar exams, he asked me to marry him.

On our wedding day my dad told me, “Now my work is done but it doesn’t mean I’ll stop watching you. Let your home and relationship with your husband reflect where you come from and your upbringing. If you do that, you won’t ever have the need to bring your things home.”

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He still calls my husband. When they talk he asks him if I’m being a good wife. When he talks to me, I hear the pride and fulfillment in his voice. Like he’s achieved a dream because none of his children are having a bad marriage. I don’t know if I’ll treat my children the way he treated me but it worked so I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

—Cindy

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