One of the things that worried me after I completed College was the thought that I have to get married. I was twenty-nine at the time but I didn’t have a boyfriend. There were quite a number of men who had shown interest in me but I was afraid I would choose the wrong man. I am the first person in my family to attend tertiary school so everyone had high hopes for me. This is why I couldn’t afford to mess up my life with someone who wouldn’t take me seriously.

While I waited to start my national service, I prayed relentlessly for a good husband. My hope was that I would meet someone and get married after my national service. It seemed like an unrealistic expectation but that’s where faith comes in.

When I finally got posted for my national service I went to live with one of my cousins so I could save on rent and utility bills. My cousin lived in a compound house with lovely co-tenants. I have a bubbly personality so I easily got along well with them. Among them was an old woman. This woman liked me so much that she often told me, “Rossy, I will be happy if you marry one of the young men in my family. You are such a nice girl.” I often brushed off her comments with laughter because I believed she was joking.

To prove that she was not joking, she told me about her grandson who lives in the city. He is a civil servant who always took every opportunity he could get to visit his grandmother. Shortly after she told me about him, he came to visit. That day the old woman had asked me to cook for her. So I was at her place when he showed up. His grandmother was not around to host him so I did. We introduced ourselves to each other, and then I served him when I finished cooking.

After he finished eating, we had conversations about our lives. I enjoyed talking to him and I could see he enjoyed talking to me as well. So we kept each other company until his grandma arrived. She seemed pleased that we hit it off. Everything fell into place after that. Felix and I started chatting after he left his grandmother’s place. And I developed feelings for him in a short while. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend I said yes. We told our families about our relationships as soon as it started. Everyone was happy for us, especially his grandmother.

His family told my family that they would come and perform my knocking rites as soon as possible. Oh, I couldn’t believe that things were happening so fast for me. I became close to Felix’s sister and mother. I started acting like I had found myself a husband already. It felt amazing. And it even felt better when Felix invited me to his place in the city. He lives in the government quarters. I envisioned myself living there with him as his Mrs. It was perfect.

Due to the nature of his work, he travels a lot. Mostly, I don’t hear from him when he travels. I would have to wait for him to call me when he returns. One day, he went on one of his trips and called me when he returned. “Babe, I am so tired. Let me take my bath, get a little rest, and call you back.” It was a Friday afternoon. I had closed early from work and was feeling bored. So I waited with bated breath for him to call me back. I wanted to talk to him about everything he missed while he was away and have him gist me on everything he experienced on his travels.

I waited all afternoon but he did not call me back. I called him several times too but he didn’t answer. So then I thought, “He must really be tired. Why don’t I go over there and spend some time with him?” That’s how I took my bath and packed an overnight bag and took a car to his place. I got there around 8 PM. I called him several times but this guy did not answer my calls. I could see from outside that his room’s light was on so why wasn’t he picking up my calls? I started feeling like my impulsive decision to surprise him was a bad idea. What if he didn’t want to see me?

While I stood there contemplating what to do next, a woman came out of his room and came to fetch water from the tap. My stomach dropped when I saw her. But I seized the opportunity and went after her. I asked her if Felix was home and she said yes. “Please call him for me,” I said. The moment he came out and saw me he smiled, “Come inside.” The lady headed to the kitchen while I took a seat. I observed that there was food on the floor. Different stews and soups were made and ready to be packed into the fridge. There was also a hot bowl of fufu ready to be eaten. While I was observing the floor, Felix quietly slipped out.

I waited for this guy for about thirty minutes but he did not show up. The next thing I realized was the lady packing her things. I asked her, “Are you leaving?” and she nodded. I asked her again, “Didn’t you plan to spend the weekend? ” She smiled, “It’s okay. I have to go.” Obviously, I wouldn’t get anything out of her. So I waited patiently for the man of the house to come home. I sat there for another hour before he came back. This man was acting as if everything was fine. But I had armed myself with questions.

“Who is that lady?”

“She is our help. We pay her to do chores for us.”

“Why was your help here late in the night? It looked like she was going to spend the night until I arrived.”

“I am telling you she is our help. You can either believe it or drop it.” He shouted at me.

That night I woke him up in the middle of the night and cried, “I don’t like what I saw this evening but I have chosen to let it go. Please, don’t break my heart. I don’t have anyone but you.” He consoled me and assured me that I too was all he had.

Early the next morning he asked me when I would leave. “I am spending the weekend,” I responded. His face changed immediately I said that, “No, you can’t spend the weekend. You have to go home.” I did everything possible to stay but he said he was going somewhere so I should leave. I asked him to give me money for transportation and he said, “No. I didn’t invite you here so I won’t give you any money.” I thought he was joking. But this guy took me to the station and didn’t even pay my lorry fare. I told him I didn’t have money on me but all he did was wave me goodbye.

I was annoyed but I held myself together. When I got home he called to ask if I arrived safely. I told him I was fine. But I felt so sad that I cried into my pillow every night after that night. Our communication became bad. He wouldn’t return my calls or reply to my text messages. So I called his sister one day and told her everything that was going on. She went to talk to him and Felix told her nothing happened between us. He said we were in a good place. From that day I stopped calling him. I cried when it hurt but I did not try to hold on to him anymore.

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One day I went to my village to visit my mum. While I was there I met a middle-aged man who came from abroad to find a wife. He proposed, “Ohemaa, I will marry you today if you say the word.” I was not so desperate that I would say yes at that moment. So I told him, “I will think about it and get back to you.” I went home and prayed about him. I asked God to show me if he was the one and I saw some signs that gave me confirmation to go ahead and give him a chance. The man was serious when he said he was looking for a wife. The moment I said yes, he brought his family to come and see mine.

The marriage rites were performed as quickly as possible. Everything happened fast but it was beautiful and it all felt right. Felix’s family was hurt that I married someone else. I heard his grandmother cried like a baby. They asked him what happened and he told them that I am the one who left him after I met someone better. Thankfully, his sister was there to tell them what actually happened. They insulted him, apologized to me on his behalf, and congratulated me on my new journey.

What Was Your Response When An Ex Wanted To Come Back?

I was in my husband’s house enjoying love and happiness when I received a phone call from an unknown number. I picked up only to hear Felix’s voice, “Why did you get married fast like that? Did I ever tell you that I didn’t love you anymore? I didn’t even break up with you but now you are married.” I couldn’t believe his line of reasoning, “Wait, so you expected me to wait around and pine for you after everything you showed me? You are not serious.” We ended up arguing. After the argument, he apologized and we sort of became friends.

Once in a while, he would call to check up on me. I also viewed his status occasionally. One time I saw that he posted something that said he was heartbroken. I called him and pretended as if I cared about his feelings. I asked what was going on but he couldn’t talk. I really wanted to know so I encouraged him to talk to me. When he opened his mouth he started crying. He said, “I am sorry for the way I treated you. I just learned that being brokenhearted is not a joke.” It turned out the lady he insisted was his help was not his help. They were dating. After I got married they also started preparations for marriage. However, the woman left him and run away with some of his valuable possessions.

I responded, “Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this. Take heart okay? Everything will be fine.” While I was consoling him I was laughing in my head. When I finally hung up, I laughed till my insides hurt. I am so glad that karma gave him a dose of his own medicine.

–Rossy

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