I am a working mother and a student as well. I have three kids with my husband.

I want to leave my marriage because this man doesn’t help at home at all. I don’t want to go back in time so much, so let me use last week Saturday as an example.

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We both went to work all week. By the time the weekend came, I had a lot to do at home. I had been washing clothes and drying them the whole day, while feeding and bathing the kids in between that. Even though I was using a machine, it’s still not easy because the kids’ clothes mostly need to be washed a bit before putting them in the machine because of oil stains and extreme dirt.

I still have to sort the clothes, wash the dirty parts, put them in the machine, take them out, dry them, and fold them. On top of that, I have three kids who need my attention.

And what does my husband do? Nothing.

He’s been in bed all day, either on his phone or laptop. He sees me moving around, feeding the kids, bathing them, washing, and doing everything else, but he doesn’t get up to help.

When you complain, he would take you back to two weeks ago when he washed his plate after eating and helped the children to bed. I keep telling him that housework is continuous and it’s not about history. We need to constantly help each other. You cannot help twice and expect that to cover everything for weeks.

I help financially too, so why must I carry all the house burden? I am working and I am also a student. I already have my own responsibilities outside the home, so when I come home, I should not be expected to carry everything alone while he relaxes.

I have complained to his pastor after we had our second child, and he advised him, but still, nothing really changed.

In fact, when I realized I was pregnant with the third, I was like, “Nooooo, I can’t do a third one with this man.” I already knew how difficult things were with two children and how much I was doing alone. But my mum advised me against it, and I’m like, I listened, and I don’t think I should have allowed her to persuade me.

Now I’m frustrated. But the good thing is, I’m currently on family planning. I don’t want any surprises

I’m always taking painkillers to be able to go through my day. I know it’s bad for my kidneys and liver, but the kind of tiredness I experience on weekends, err… I honestly don’t even know how to explain it. Sometimes I feel like my body is out of place, but I still have no choice because there are things that need to be done and the children need me.

We are not so financially comfortable to be always hiring help. I do sometimes, but I can’t afford it always. I cannot keep spending money on help just because my husband refuses to participate in his own home.

Is this enough reason to leave my marriage?

I feel like at least if I’m alone with my kids, it’s better than having an adult around who helps with nothing. Sometimes I look at everything I am doing and wonder what difference his presence makes when it comes to the house.

If you see the amount of dishes I had to wash after everything on Saturday. Meanwhile, he could have done that. He was right there. It would not have taken anything away from him to get up and wash the dishes or help with the children while I did something else.

At least I feel single doing everything at home, then let me just leave and be in my own place and do everything myself. My kids are too young to help now, so I already know the work will still be there. But somehow, I feel like doing everything myself without expecting help from someone who is supposed to be my partner might even give me more peace.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I am tired of complaining. I am tired of asking for help. I am tired of feeling like I am carrying this marriage and the home alone.

Is this really enough reason to leave my marriage?

— Maggie

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