The day I told him that I was pregnant, he looked right into my face and said, “I’m not ready to be a father so do something to it before it becomes too late.” I tried to get him to change his mind but nothing I said made sense to him. I’d completed national service that year and was looking for a job. He had completed National service two years prior but still had no job. I was convinced the times ahead would be better so we should have the baby but he used his unemployed situation as an excuse to tell me not to have it.

I remember one evening, he stayed with me till the break of dawn trying to coerce me to get rid of it. I told him, “I’m scared of the implication that’s why I don’t want to do it. I will get a job very soon and be in the position to take care of the baby so don’t worry.” He said, “How soon is soon? Don’t bring a child into this world when we are not ready. They’ll suffer and we would also suffer.” I insisted I was ready for whatever comes my way.

When the pregnancy was about five months old, my parents contacted his parents and asked for the way forward. They accepted the responsibility for the pregnancy and promised that the right thing would be done after the child was born. I delivered not too long afterward. They were twins—a boy and a girl. I waited to see Kusi at the hospital but he never came around. When I was strong enough to talk, I called him. I asked him, “Haven’t you heard that I’ve delivered?” He said, “Yea I’ve heard it.” I said, “And you don’t think it’s a good idea to visit us?” He answered, “Won’t you come home? Or you’re going to die at the hospital? I will see them when you get discharged.”

True to his words, he never came around. I got discharged and came home but he never came to see the kids. One day, I called him, “Kusi, if it’s me that you don’t want to see, how about your own kids? He said, “I will come, have patience with me. A week later, my mother met his mother at the market and it was that moment Kusi’s mother told my mom that her son had traveled. As to where he had traveled to, his mother didn’t disclose it.

I decided not to call him to enquire. Because I didn’t call him, he also didn’t call to tell me anything. When my kids were a year old, I got a job. It wasn’t a well-paid job but helped keep body and soul together. Through it all, my mother was with me, providing the necessary support I needed to raise those two kids. They started school when they were three years old.

Life was hard for me but I was determined. One day I received a call from Kusi. Honestly, if I knew he was the one calling, I wouldn’t have picked the call. He said, “This is Kusi.” I asked, “So what should I do for you?” He said, “I know I’ve hurt you. I’ve been irresponsible blah blah blah so I’m calling you today to ask for forgiveness.” The kids were four years old when he called. I said, “I’ve forgiven you long ago that’s why I could move on with my life.” He said, “I want to start being responsible for the upkeep of the kids.” I said, “You have no kids to be responsible for. Live your life and let us live ours.”

Weeks later, he came home with his family. They came with drinks and some other stuff to ask for reconciliation. I wasn’t ready to see him and I wasn’t ready to reconcile with him. It was my mother who called me on the side and told me, “No matter what you do, you can’t take away his right as a father. If he’s regretted his actions, let’s forgive him and let’s allow him to be responsible for his own kids. Men do stupid things but when they show remorse, you forgive them.”

He was forgiven so he started sending monthly allowances for the kids’ upkeep. Once in a while, he came to visit them and when he came around, he came with books and toys. He did that consistently for eight months and then he started defaulting. He could go three whole months without paying that allowance. I didn’t call to ask him. I didn’t force him to come and see the kids. He did as he pleased.

When the kids were six years old, my mother’s senior brother in the US called to tell my mother that he and his wife want to come for the twins. My uncle married a white woman. They gave birth to a girl but the woman decided not to give birth again but instead adopt additional kids.

It was my mother who called Kusi and his family to tell them. They were very happy to hear that. Kusi called to also expressed his happiness and even thanked me for bringing the kids this far. When the time came for my uncle to come for the kids, Kusi asked, “How about the money?” I asked, “Which money?” He said, “The money the white lady is paying for the adoption?” I shouted, “Its’ my uncle who’s taking the kids abroad. There’s no money involved.”

He said, “You think I’m a fool? Look at the money I’ve spent on these kids, now that money is coming out of them, you want to sit on the money alone. If I don’t get my share of the money, my children are not going anywhere.”

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I really gave it to him that day. I didn’t know I was capable of that level of anger. He cut the call on me and stopped receiving my calls. We went to see their family and they also seem to agree with what Kusi was saying. They even went ahead to ask for their share of the money. My mom told them that there was no money involved but it was her brother who was trying to help the kids. For two months we fought on this issue. One day, the kids went to school and he went to the school to pick the kids. He thought maybe we were trying to sneak the kids out to my uncle. When I realized the kids were there, I called him to bring them before I make a police case. That evening he brought them.

I realized he wouldn’t make things easy for the kids to go so I told him, “The kids are not going anywhere. They’ll stay here but I swear if you default in paying their monthly support, I will report you to the social welfare.”

He paid the following month and also paid the month that followed. Two months later he defaulted. I called him several times but he didn’t pay. That behavior continues up to today, yet he calls the kids his. My uncle is ready to receive them, give them a good education, and provide better welfare for them but this devil called Kusi is standing between them and a great future all because he thinks we are getting money.

This is not the end of the matter. We are exploring other alternatives. I hope it gets easier so these kids can join my uncle and his wife in the states.

–Dede

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