After our wedding in 2015, my wife and I struggled to have a baby. We did all the right things. We exercised, jogged to keep our bodies fit, and had intimacy as often as required. But every month, her period arrived right on time, bursting our bubbles and reminding us that we were still not pregnant.

We sought medical help, and tests revealed that her fallopian tubes were severely blocked. The doctors explained that it would take intensive medical treatment for her to conceive. I immediately stepped up as the man of the house. We decided she would travel to the United States for the best possible care so we could finally have our own child.

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It was during these medical consultations that I discovered something she had never told me. For all the years we had dated and been married, I never knew she had an abortion in her past. The doctors explained that the procedure was poorly conducted and terribly managed, which contributed directly to the damage in her tubes. Through all our time praying and seeking medical answers, she had never mentioned it once.

We all have a past, so I chose to forgive and look beyond it. As if that was not enough, her family even believed that during this difficult period, I was going to forsake my vows and cheat on her. I had to keep reassuring them, “I am not leaving her. I won’t have a child elsewhere.”

I did not even look at another woman twice. I focused my gaze on her, our marriage, and the hope the doctors were giving us that soon, we would have a child.

After two rounds of IVF, God finally blessed us with a child after many years of being called the barren couple.

Our baby would automatically become a citizen, but for my wife, I was worried. I worked very hard, moved heaven and earth so we could extend her residency and attain citizenship in the long run.

Today, she has a good job with a reputable company and is doing well professionally.

But after everything that has happened, the infidelity, the things I discovered, the sacrifices I made, and the years of emotional pain, I honestly feel that the love I once had for her is gone. I have reached a point where I struggle to even make love to her.

Why? Why can’t I love the woman I moved earth for to have my child?

Before the pregnancy, I found out that the wife I took abroad to get help for her fertility problems was having an affair with another man. I caught a whiff of it, but they said that unless I had evidence, I was lying. So she fought me over it. She gave me the silent treatment until I returned with evidence.

That was when she confessed and apologised.

But I did not allow any of this to affect our marriage. I was in it for better or worse.

I really thought I had moved past it. I thought I had moved past her lies and her infidelity. But I dream about it. I see it in my dreams, and sometimes I cannot even sleep. Why did she do that to me? Was I not enough?

I am unable to love her the way I loved her before.

How can something that happened six years ago still have such a strong effect on me? Why can’t I love her anymore?

These days, even small issues easily turn into anger and arguments. I no longer feel the same connection or peace in the marriage. I haven’t made a final decision yet, but I am seriously considering walking away.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? We have a child together, so making this decision is even more difficult. I don’t want my decision to destroy the family we fought so hard to build. I also don’t want to remain in a marriage where I am physically present but emotionally absent.

The truth is, I don’t even know if I want to continue. And even if I decide that I want to stay, where do I start from? How do I erase everything that happened and love her the way I used to? How do I forget the lies, the affair, and everything I discovered and simply start again?

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I don’t want to punish her forever for something she did years ago, but I also cannot pretend that it did not change me. I don’t know how to become the man who loved her without fear, without suspicion, and without constantly remembering what happened.

— Peprah

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