He is doing well for himself in Ghana. While others struggle to get a job, he has one that pays well. While others like me have to leave the country in search of greener pastures, my boyfriend is making it in Ghana. He doesn’t have crazy money. Of course, he is not living in luxury. When we speak of wealth, he does not possess much. Nonetheless, he is living a comfortable life.
He can afford to provide for his needs and that of others. He is able to help the people in his life. Because of this, he has no interest in leaving Ghana for better opportunities. He believes everything he needs in life, he already has it where he is. This is why he doesn’t see the need to travel abroad only to become a second-class citizen in another man’s country.
This is why our five-year relationship is not making any headway. Whenever we talk about the future, we reach an impasse. Unlike him, I didn’t have life on a silver platter in Ghana. I had to apply to study abroad in hopes of getting access to better opportunities. Thankfully, I got in. I gained admission to study overseas so I took it and left the country.
We have been together for five years now. I am twenty-three but he is a little older. He is ready for marriage so we talk about our future a lot. Whenever he brings up the topic I ask him, “Are you willing to move from home and join me here?”
Every time I ask him this question his answer is one and the same, “I have a good life here. It’s not everything I dreamed of but I am content with it. To me, it’s better than starting life all over in another man’s country. I don’t even know what awaits me over there or how long it will take me to stand on my feet. I have given it a lot of thought and it’s not something I can do.
Although I am certain that he is the man for me, how can we get married if we cannot agree on where we should live? Having a long-distance relationship is one thing. But I believe a long-distance marriage is another ball game altogether. Even though that seems to be the viable option on the table at the moment, I don’t want it.
We’ve lived apart for five years, but when it comes to marriage I want us to live together. If it was feasible for me to move to Ghana so we would be together I would. However, I have sacrificed so much to be where I am today. It would make no sense for me to leave everything I am fighting for to move to a country where I am not sure I have a fighting chance.
I am confused and don’t know what to do. How do I make things work for our future if neither of us is willing to sacrifice our comfort for the love we share? I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But how do I do any of it in this situation?
I am worried that if I try too hard to convince him to join me and things don’t work out for him the way he expects them to, he will spend the entire time resenting me. Can you imagine living in a foreign land with a husband who is not happy about moving his life for you? Neither of us will be happy so what is the point of it?
My Heart Was Broken All Over Again | Abena On The Hot Seat
If I also throw away all the education I got here and move home for marriage but I am not able to build my career, I won’t be happy with my man either. We are in a situation where neither of us can win. It’s either one person loses while the other is happy or we both lose each other and continue living our lives of comfort in our respective countries.
Either way, we have to choose what we are willing to let go of and what we are ready to lose. That’s what makes this so hard for me. How can I easily walk away from a five-year relationship? But then again, how can I leave a land of opportunities because my man seems to be doing well for himself over there? Kindly advise me.
–Gaia
Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]
NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG
#SB
The way I see it, you can go the following routes:
1. Try your luck in Ghana
If you have gotten your education abroad you will be valued on the job market in Ghana. I would suggest you move to Ghana with your certificate after all you can go back to further whenever you like now that you have a certificate from a reputable institution.
2. Work a bit and then move to Ghana or he comes to where you are.
You can give yourselves sometimes to test out the waters wherever y’all are to see whether you truly are where the best opportunities are. So you can work for sometime to check out the job market abroad(where I hear is super competitive but rewarding either ways). Then y’all will sit down to have a heart to heart conversation cos I know once he has been able to establish something it would be hard for him to move cos he is a man and cannot stand to move backwards(not undermining your situation too). But also know that regardless of your decision you have touched foot abroad and it will be relatively easier to go back to further or to work so make sure to think through and even consider things I might not have mentioned in this comment.
At the end do not rush into marriage deal with this first.
Ps: sorry for any typo
Girl focus on ur education and how to make life there rather than thinking about ur guy after u will not get the opportunity again if u let this one slip from ur hands after all opportunity comes but once and also if he still not ready to move his life to where he is to a bigger one then that a red flag cos he shouldnt chnage even after marriage and u will regret it in future cos marriage is a long and cant live with a man who diesnt want u to improve ur life after all there are sum men out there who will love their women to move their life to a greater one and beside u have entertained him for so long so my advice is move on with ur lifr outside the country where u are and reach whatever goal or aim u have and forget about ur man cos he is not ready to better his life to the next level .
If you really really love him, then this is a no brainer. Was it King Edward who abdicated his throne to be with his lover? A good man is hard to find, and you are still young. So give yourself 2 years for preparation and move down to join him. It seems you are more concerned about the 5years you have invested in the relationship. But that should not be the basis for a decision. The issue is are you going to be happy in this marriage, if it happens. That’s what you need to decide.
You want him to move there but you don’t want to move to Ghana? If you will not get a job in Ghana except for wherever you are, then focus on what you’re doing there and let him find someone who’s willing and ready to live here with him.
You are still very young at 23. Focus on building your life in your new country. A relationship or marriage is not something of life and death. Currently, your dreams and life outlook are not aligned, and that is okay. Do not waste time because no one wants to compromise, for obvious reasons. This is the time you should already be giving other potential men, in your overseas country, a chance to love you and build your life together there. But you are wasting it with a relationship that will never work.