Some months ago, I started dating this man who eventually began spending nights at my place. His reason was that he shared a room with his father, who is on pension, and so, in his words, “staying with you and bonding with you makes a lot more sense.” Besides, I lived alone with my son, so I had no issue with it. After all, he said he was dating with marriage in mind, and I decided to see how things would unfold.

From the very beginning, whenever he came over, I prepared food or shared whatever I had with him, yet he never contributed anything meaningful in return. One morning, as he was leaving, he sent me 100 cedis through MoMo. I thought it was a thoughtful gesture until two days later when he texted me on WhatsApp asking to borrow the exact same 100 cedis back. By then I had already spent the money, so there was nothing I could do.

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During his next visit, he intended to leave me with 40 cedis, but we did not have change, so he said he would send it later when he got to town. He never did. That same evening, he returned to my house and asked me to prepare jollof for him. Usually when someone says “prepare jollof,” it means you have the money, right? So I agreed. But I could not prepare it; something urgent came up. Later, I had to step out for an urgent matter, and I let him know. “So what will I eat when I come?” he asked. “Oh, I do not know, but I am buying kenkey for myself and my son.” Right then, he interrupted me. “Buy some for me too, so that we can eat together.” I bought it and even fried two eggs for him, but that morning, he left without leaving anything on the table for me.

At that point, I told myself maybe he was low on funds, so I decided to be patient and wait until the end of the month to see what would happen.

When the month ended, on the second day, he asked if I had been paid. I told him yes. But my money had already been exhausted because of debts I had incurred the previous month. He responded with “hmmm,” and said he had not been paid yet. Early the next morning, I woke up to a message from him asking me to lend him 100 cedis because he was still waiting for his pay. I sent it to him.

Before then, I had told him I would like to visit where he lived. He said we would discuss it during the week, but when I brought it up again, I did not receive any clear response, so I let it go.

Later, he traveled for work and spent a week away. There was no mention of my money, so when he returned, I gathered the courage to ask when he would refund me. He did refund me, but not after I had fought and begged him for it.

After that, he texted that he was coming to visit me again the next day. My phone charger had broken earlier that day, and I could not find a replacement at work, so I asked him to send me money so I could buy one. I expected him to say I should not worry and that he would get it for me, but instead he said okay and sent me the number to send the money to so that someone could buy a common phone charger for me.

Meanwhile, when he came, I cooked for him. He ate, and as usual, he ate me on top too.

One day, he texted again that he was coming over and asked me to prepare my “delicious jollof.” I told him I did not have the ingredients. “So, can’t we buy from the neighborhood?” he asked, so that I would go and buy with my own money. “Just buy kenkey and bring it over.” He agreed and bought only kenkey for 20 cedis, because I already had fish at home.

The next morning, since it was a holiday, he did not leave early as he usually did. I waited to see if he would ask about breakfast or even contribute something, but he stayed silent while I prepared tea and bread for my son. I then went about my chores, washing my clothes while he stayed inside watching television.

We also had an issue with electricity, and we were asked to contribute money for repairs. I mentioned it to him, but all he said was “hmmm.”

After I had finished washing and came back to lie down around 10:30, he asked what we would eat. “There is nothing to prepare and eat,” I said. He did not respond.

I was lying with my back on the bed when I turned to look at him. He had gotten up, packed his things, applied pomade, brushed his teeth, and told me he was leaving. I wished him a safe journey, and just like that, he walked out without asking what I would eat or whether I was okay. He did not even care what I was going to eat at the end of the day.

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

I watched the back of his head as he disappeared through the gate. Then I chuckled, shook my head, and asked myself, “How did I get here?”

The funny thing is that I did not even have time to wallow in disappointment.

I got up, took my banku and okro soup from the fridge, warmed it up, and ate in peace.

For the first time all month, the food was feeding the right person.

—Cynthia

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