Giving comes to me naturally, and I am generous when it comes to people I am madly in love with, like my girlfriend. We have been dating since university, and I still remember the day I saw her going for a lecture, took her number, and worked my way up until I became her boyfriend. Since then, a lot has happened.

I took up a lot of responsibilities, taking care of her needs as a boyfriend does, and if she needed money for handbooks, for food, or for a change of wardrobe, I offered to give her.

When I completed school and started my national service, I continued supporting her with whatever she needed from the little I had. Whether it was food, bills, or any unexpected expense that came up, she would call me and I would come through for her.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

When she was about to start her own national service, we did the rounds together, went to her new place, paid for it, and I gave her money to renovate the rooms so it would feel like home for the year she was going to be there. If I heard that she was ill and on her way to the hospital, I quickly sent money for the expenses. She often complained, “The money is not enough, can you add some more,” but I was also managing, so most times I just asked her to manage it. After all, we are all managing.

After national service, she got a job through her stepmother. She was employed as a contract staff member and earned GH¢3,000 a month, and she was now living with her father while she joined her stepmother on the daily commute to work. But things started changing at home, and I did not hear the better of it. She said that her stepmother was worrying her, and because she hated confrontations, I agreed with her when she said she wanted to move out.

She discussed it with her father, and he agreed that she should leave once she found accommodation so she could finally have some peace of mind. When she eventually found a place, her father was unable to raise the money for the rent, so I stepped in and contributed GH¢18,000 while she added GH¢6,000, bringing the total to GH¢24,000 for a year’s rent. It sounds like a huge amount to spend on rent, but I paid it without complaint.

That same year, shortly after relocating, she fell ill. The doctors said it was fibroids and that they needed to remove them as soon as possible, warning that delaying the operation could affect her kidneys. Again, I came through for her, her father catered for the surgery itself while I covered the remaining expenses associated with the treatment and hospitalization. She spent about a week at the hospital, and while she was hospitalised, I went in and out of the hospital every day, morning and evening, before work and after work.

Some months ago, it hit me like a thunderbolt that she has never bought me even a pen, let alone a handkerchief. Today, she earns more than she did before, yet nothing has changed. As I write this, I have just paid GH¢7,000 to add to her GH¢5,000 for another six months’ rent, and I have practically done everything I can for her as an expression of love and commitment.

Now imagine this. Last week was my birthday, and she told me she had sent me money. When I checked, it was only GH¢20. I was shocked, but I kept quiet.

Some time ago, she came to spend some time with me. When she was leaving, she asked me for transport money, and I told her, “I don’t have money.” She laughed and thought I was joking. When I escorted her to the station, she asked again, and I repeated the same thing. She got upset and started crying, there and then, while she walked to withdraw from her own MoMo account before leaving. I felt so embarrassed that I later borrowed money and sent it to her, and this is someone I have never refused whenever she needed money to go somewhere or take care of herself.

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

What troubles me even more is a conversation we recently had about marriage. The last time I asked her how soon we could get married, she said, “Oh, me? Marriage is not in my plans right now,” and continued pressing her phone. “What do you mean marriage is not in your plans,” I asked her. In her words, she wants to secure a better job with good benefits before she even begins thinking about marriage. This is someone who will turn 30 this year and has already gone through surgery for fibroids. Not that I am trying to demean her, but how long is she talking about, or is it until I lay my life on the cross for her.

At this point, I honestly do not know what benefit I am getting from this relationship, because it feels like I am the only one investing emotionally, financially, and practically. Is this not a case of zero reciprocity in a relationship? Please help a brother. I am getting tired.

—Jack

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB<>