Before I came into his life last year, my now-husband already had a child with another woman, and he was honest about her from the very beginning. He told me he had wanted to marry her, but the relationship fell apart because he is a Christian and she is a Muslim. Her family refused to accept the marriage unless he converted, and she also refused to become a Christian, so both families arrived at some kind of understanding.

After the baby was born, there were certain traditional requirements and responsibilities he had to fulfill before he could officially claim the child as his. He did everything they asked of him, paid what he was supposed to pay, and the child was finally recognized as his.

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Right now, the lady lives with my husband’s mother.

Before we got married, I cannot even count how many times I opened up to him about my fears of marrying a man who already had a child with another woman. It was never something I imagined for myself, and there were nights I could not even sleep because I kept overthinking it. He would say, “I have moved on from her. We are not together anymore, and I will never cheat on you.” I took my time to study the situation carefully because I knew this was a serious decision, but in the end, I chose to believe him.

We got married in December last year, and barely one month later, in January, this issue started destroying my peace of mind.

My husband is a teacher, and the town where he teaches happens to be the same town where he met his baby mama. When school resumed on a Thursday morning, he left for his station while I stayed behind feeling emotional. Before he left, I hugged him tightly, kissed him goodbye several times, and even followed him all the way to the bus station.

He called me as soon as he arrived safely and told me he would return the next day after school because Friday was a public holiday. Everything sounded normal until later that evening around three o’clock when I called to check on him again, and he said his place was dirty and dusty and he wanted to clean before coming home.

Friday morning, I called him many times to check if he was coming home, but he never answered my calls. He finally called me on Saturday morning and said he could not get a car on Friday, so that was why he did not come home. He told me he was now on his way back.

When he came home that afternoon, I tried getting close to him, but he told me he was tired, so I left him alone. Then on Sunday morning, we were watching TikTok together on his phone and he fell asleep beside me. My husband is very secretive with his phone. Everything has a password, WhatsApp, Facebook, messages, contacts, everything. But that day, I saw the password when he unlocked the phone.

After he fell asleep, I picked up the phone and checked his messages. The first chat I saw was his baby mama’s name. I opened it, and honestly, I almost fainted. I saw messages showing that he invited her to his place that same Thursday night, the same night he lied to me about cleaning his room. Then I saw him telling her to wash herself well because he wanted to sleep with her.

My heart broke instantly. I cried so much because I felt deeply betrayed. The same thing I was afraid of was exactly what happened. When I confronted him, he apologized, but since that day, I have not been the same.

I cannot eat properly anymore, and I have lost so much weight because I keep thinking about everything. I still love my husband, but I do not trust him anymore. What is making things worse is that I recently heard him saying he wants to rent a room for his baby mama and help her learn sewing so she can take care of herself. Part of me understands that she is the mother of his child, but another part of me feels hurt because it seems like he is still too involved in her life.

They still talk because of the child, and I know I cannot stop that, but after what happened, every conversation between them now makes me uncomfortable. I feel powerless, confused, and emotionally drained.

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

Please, I really need advice. Is it okay for my husband to rent a place for his baby mama and support her after betraying my trust like this? Are my fears valid, or am I overthinking everything? I truly need help because this situation is slowly destroying my peace.

—Sarah

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