When I was a little girl, I used to dream about my wedding every single day. I had everything planned in my head, from the songs that would play while I walked down the aisle to the dress, the decorations, and the kind of love I wanted to have. That dream followed me through every stage of my life and even after I completed university, I still held onto it. During my national service, I kept telling myself that by the age of 23, I would be married and building a family of my own, so when I met a man who pursued me consistently and seemed serious about me, I decided to give him a chance. My family did not like him at all, and my siblings did not even want to hear his name, but what did I care? I kept telling myself that with time they would find something about him to love. Then I got pregnant.
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I called him to tell him what was happening, and he immediately denied having anything to do with me. I refused to believe what I was hearing, so I walked all the way to his house and stood outside calling his name, but there was complete silence. I knocked on the door, and although this man was clearly inside, he refused to come out. That was the beginning of the betrayal. When his father eventually came outside and asked what I was looking for, I explained everything to him. My boyfriend stepped out and claimed he had nothing to do with me. Maybe he did not see me properly, so I moved closer to him, hoping he would stop pretending, but instead he looked straight at his father and said, “I have never seen her before.” Ah, the shock that entered my body that day, I cannot even explain it. Was this not the same man who promised me love, marriage, and forever? He stood there completely unbothered while my whole world collapsed before my eyes.
After service, I could not even go home because I did not know how to explain to my parents that I had gone to serve my country and returned with a certificate, a pregnancy, and a man who wanted nothing to do with me. My father did not even want me to come home at all and I had nowhere else to go, so just to have a place to lay my head, I started moving from one relative’s house to another. One week I would be at Uncle Eric’s place, the next at Aunty Ataa’s house, then later at my grandmother’s place, all under the disguise of “coming to visit for a while.” Even staying with them became difficult because nobody wants an extra burden for too long, so whenever things became unbearable, I would call my mother and she would send me money for upkeep. I became so emotionally drained and stressed that even after nine months, the baby still did not come. In the end, I had to undergo an emergency CS at 42 weeks.
I begged him to agree to a DNA test, but even then he still made things difficult. He gave me a condition. He asked me to pay half of the cost first and promised that once the results confirmed he was the father, he would refund the money and begin taking responsibility for the child. The results eventually came out and showed a 99.9999% match. I thought that would finally make him change and help take care of our baby, but he vanished into thin air. Later, I heard he had no intention of refunding the money because according to him, “the baby is also your child.” Ei, I nearly lost my mind.
What hurt me even more was how his siblings and father insulted me and supported his behaviour while he denied the pregnancy, but immediately the DNA confirmed the truth, every single one of them vanished. As if someone had superglued their mouth. Even “pim” they couldn’t say. I went to Social Welfare hoping for help, but all they told me was to focus on taking care of my child and forget about the man, meanwhile he was somewhere living his life freely, collecting his salary every month without any responsibility while I struggled alone with the child.
Now my daughter is five years old and I do not even know where her father is. Maybe he is out there enjoying life or maybe karma is dealing with him already, but honestly, I no longer care enough to find out. What pains me now is how people treat single mothers. Anytime a man approaches me and everything seems to be going well, the moment I mention that I have a child, he disappears. They show interest, we talk for months, we build connections, then suddenly everything changes because I am a mother. Sometimes I sit quietly and stare at my daughter and painful thoughts enter my mind. I ask myself whether giving birth to her was the right decision or whether I should have aborted her so I could be “free” like everyone expected.
Then someone will boldly ask me why I cannot go back to my ex. Go back for what exactly? The hatred I have developed for men who open their mouths to propose to me these days, hmm.
And who even said it is only single mothers who go back to their exes? Are single people not doing the exact same thing every day? So because someone has given birth, they no longer deserve love, acceptance, or a second chance? Must every born one be treated like a mistake?
Right now, I survive by doing small small jobs while waiting for posting, but life is not easy at all. To my fellow single mothers reading this, please stop giving all of us a bad publicity because not every single mother is irresponsible or wicked. Some of us were simply naive, we trusted the wrong people, and we became victims of circumstances we never imagined for ourselves.
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And to the women who are not yet mothers, please be careful. Do not have a child with a man who has not committed himself fully to you because the reality can be brutal. It is better to wear a seatbelt and survive a crash than to enter an accident completely unprotected. Love can blind you, promises can deceive you, and when everything falls apart, it is usually the woman who is left alone to carry the pain.
Single people are struggling to find responsible men to marry and now you go amd bring anither mans child and exoect someone else to accept that child whikeheartedly and love her and provide for her, only for thebfather tonreturn later and be most single mothers will run back to him, or at least accord him all the rights of a father when someone else has taken up that burden for years.
My dear, nobody asked you not to sleep with him, but you could have been smart enough to at least use a condom for your own sake. You were in love, naive, etc. did not mean simply throw away your own future and expect a man to be responsible for you. Being in love should not equate not using your brain. Women are often treated badly in such situatiins yey we wont learn that condom use is also an option even if you still want to sleep woth him, which you are not obliged to do anyway sonoly because you are in love. Now, love is sex. Once they say i am in love, its all sex and nothing else. I am glad you are learning and i hope its for real. Next time, be wise. Seriously. Condom use could have saved a lot.
I will continue to say abstinence prevents and a lot problems.. …… Single moms and dads are also humans. They deserve love. But some of them are spoiling market for the good ones.