Everyone in my life is telling me that I am throwing away a perfectly good relationship because of a dirty plate. They say I am making mountains out of molehills. I don’t believe that I am. I know myself and I know that I cannot live peacefully with someone who does not respect my space.
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It’s true that we have a great thing going. Her conversations are always engaging. We can talk about anything at all for hours long. I like how she thinks. The companionship she brings into my life is also something I cherish so much. When I am emotionally down she is there for me. When I need a friend I turn to her. Because of our amazing connection, the sex is otherworldly. There has never been a dull moment with her in the bedroom.
For almost one year since we’ve been together, I have thought about her as the woman I would marry. Then we agreed for her to come and spend a month with me. Prior to this, we hadn’t spent more than a day in each other’s spaces. Now I have seen things that have changed the way I see her.
First, let me state that I am a very neat guy. There’s a way I organize my things. If someone moves them or something is out of place, it disturbs me greatly. Sometimes I try to act normal when I’m disturbed. For instance, I keep my remote on the centre table. I pick it up to use and put it back there. When my girlfriend got here she changed that. She put the remote everywhere but on the centre table. It bothered me but I didn’t make a big deal out of it.
Then she started leaving her clothes all over the bedroom floor. I would either ask her to pick them up or do it myself. My kitchen which was spotless before her arrival became the dwelling for dirty dishes. When I see it, I just clean it up. There are days she eats and leaves the plate right where she sits. I am the one it bothers so I just carry it to the kitchen and wash.
I was doing my best not to stress her until something happened recently. I went to work and returned to see hell in my kitchen. She made noodles and left the package on the counter when the bin was right there. The pots and pans she used were just sitting in the sink when there was running water in the house.
I was upset but I calmly asked her, “Why is the kitchen like that?”
She just shrugged, “I will do it when I am ready.”
The dismissive tone in her voice made me angry: “I mean why didn’t you just do it at once?”
This led to an argument. All the times I cleaned up after her, I told her to clean up after herself so why won’t she just listen? I don’t even think that I should be the one to tell a grown woman not to make a mess. She should know this.
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After that argument, I told her to go back home. All she has done since she has been here is to increase my blood pressure. I have explained this to people but nobody seems to understand me.
It’s not just about the dirty plates. It’s the fact that she doesn’t listen to me, is disrespectful of my space and is so disorganized. I’m seriously reconsidering the relationship because of these things I have seen. Is there anyone here who understands where I am coming from?
—Derek
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#SB
I totally do because I’m just like you. It’s these little things that will turn into hatred, bitterness etc. Do what gives you peace because the ones advising you will leave you to face the hell alone. They will even pretend as if they didn’t say shit.
After chopping her basabasa no. Who are you leaving her for?
Oya go and take Your dirty plate and clean it. You too learn to clean up after yourself.
I really understand you bro, what u are going through is a known as perfectionism, a characteristic of melancholic people, I always fight with my mates bcos of this, I don’t understand why people don’t obey hygiene standards, just put things in order after using becomes problem.
u have to sacrifice and engage her to change with time
Don’t listen to those saying otherwise bcos how on earth will a lady cook simple noodles and leave the package there without trashing it,if she can’t clean up after herself how will she handle the home when kids start coming
Try and visit her place and see how she handles her space,if it’s the same then you have to advice yourself but you have to discuss the situation with her before walking out
Even me a lady kraa I can’t accommodate such a behaviour
Bro,
PREMARITAL SEX IS A SIN.
Bro, I’m with you. I hate it when things are put in positions I normally place them. I’m such that I can walk in total darkness pick up something from where I know it should always be.
You can’t go cleaning after a grown woman. That’s too much stress. Let her go, you’ll definitely find someone who will respect your space.
Untidy kitchen is a no no for me. I can guess she messes up the bathroom too.
WELL I THINK YOU SHOULD SIT HER DOWN AND TALK THINGS WITH HER.
COS SOMETIMES THE RED FLAGS WE IGNORE TURNS TO HUNT US.
SIT HER DOWN AND LET HER SEE REASONS WITH YOU.
You have a point. I used to be like you, in fact I was worse. Then I lived with someone that I loved for 5 years and I discovered that love forgives. I would tolerate from her what would have caused me to go crazy with other people. And I keep saying that she taught me how to tolerate other people.
If you love her, then let it go. Over time, you’ll become more tolerant and she’ll become more organised. All you need is patience.
Remember that no one is perfect and other people are not going to behave exactly like you. If the mess annoys you so much, then clean it. You mentioned that you’ve visited her place before, but only for short periods. Her house obviously doesn’t look like a pig sty if not you would have noticed it before.
She’s the kind of person who cooks noodles, leaves the kitchen in a mess, eats and then comes back to clean it later.
While you’re the kind of person who tidies up before you eat. Learn to meet in the middle.