A few months before our wedding, my fiancé moved in with me. We didn’t discuss it. The day he was coming, he didn’t even tell me that he was coming to live with me. He came with a bag, slept over and later came with another bag until he moved all of his things into my place.

I had to ask what was happening before he told me his landlord said his kids were coming from abroad so he needed his place for them. His rent was almost due anyway and because we planned to rent a place after our wedding, he felt he didn’t need to rent a new place immediately.

I’m living in my parent’s house. It’s a three-bedroom self-compound house my dad built purposely for renting. I came to live here when the last tenant left. My dad had died and my mom was expected to rent this place out for her upkeep.

I was living here as a caretaker until I realized I’d made the place my own. At one point, my mom asked me to move in with her so she could rent the place out. I was getting ready for my wedding so I told her, “I will move out after marriage anyway. I don’t want to come to your place and later move out again so allow me to get married first.”

Two months after our wedding, I asked my husband, “When are we going to look for a place of our own?”

He gave me a date and time and even said he was already in the market looking for a place. Five months later, nothing had been said so I told him, “I have friends who can help me look for a place. I can talk to them. Some of them are agents and they can get us a good place as soon as possible.” He told me he didn’t want to pay agent fees. I asked him not to worry because those agents were my friends.

I spoke to three agents and they all called within the week. From one property to another, we checked the various places available. They were our spec. I love them but my husband didn’t. It was either the place was too big, or the price was too much. For a whole month, we checked properties but none of them worked, according to my husband. The agent asked, “What exactly are you looking for and at what place and at what price?”

The agent was frustrated because my husband wasn’t saying anything. It turned into an exchange of words. My husband called the agent disrespectful and said he wasn’t going to work with him again. The agent replied, “Work? Who said I was working with you? I’m doing this because of your wife. How much have you paid since we started?”

I had to calm the agent down while asking my husband to also keep his calm. When we got home, I asked how much he had reserved for accommodation; “I can add to it. Just tell me so we meet these people with a price in mind.” He said he had the money but it didn’t mean we should pay an exorbitant amount that we would find it hard to renew.

I waited. A year had come since we got married. My mom wasn’t pushing us to leave the place but my other siblings were not happy each time my mom called and asked for help.

I told my husband, “This place is for rent. If you like it here, we can talk to my mom and rent it. We can even pay it monthly as we look for a place of our own.”

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He laughed at me. “Rent a place that belongs to your parents? How can a mother rent out her house to her own daughter? Where would you have lived if you weren’t married?” I explained everything to him. That the place was my mother’s retirement benefit. My dad built it purposefully for that. “If I wasn’t married, I would be living with my mom. There are rooms there for me so I wouldn’t be occupying a place she would rent out.”

We’ve been living in this place for the past two years. My siblings call me and they talk to me anyhow. They call me selfish and inconsiderate. I don’t argue with them. Whatever they say about me is true. I’m the reason my mom calls them and asks for help because I’d taken over the property that could have fetched her enough money.

The last conversation I had with my husband, he told me he didn’t have the money again. He had used the money to register for his master’s degree so I should ask my mom to give us one more year to raise enough money to rent a place. It was my turn to laugh. I told him, “I’ve housed us for two years. I’ve been supportive and was even ready to contribute for us to rent a place. I can’t continue. We need to do something.”

He asked what we were going to do. I told him we were going to vacate the place because my mother needs it. He told me he was going to talk to my mother. I told him he should have some shame. I gave him my elder brother’s number and asked him to talk to him man-to-man. “My brother is equally the owner of this house but he’s renting. Talk to him and listen to what he would tell you.”

He hasn’t called my brother. It’s rather my mom he wants us to talk to. My mom won’t say anything to him. She respects him as an in-law and he knows that. He wants to use that as an advantage.

This is what I’m planning to do. In the coming month, I will start packing my things to my mom’s place. I know he’ll ask why. I’ll tell him I’m going to where I would have lived if I wasn’t married so he should also move out. The owner of the house wants it.

I know it will bruise the marriage but I’m ready for it. Sometimes, healing comes after the bruises. For two years, we’ve been living in uncertainties. We quarrel a lot because I feel cheated. He lives like he doesn’t care about my emotions and pretends he’s rather the victim anytime I talk about rent. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing but currently, that’s the only thing available for me to do.

Call Your Ex And Ask Why It Didn’t Work Out Between You Two

I can’t force him to pay rent and I can’t push him out of the house. I don’t know if there’s something else I can do to bring his mind to the right place. I just want peace between me and my siblings and I want this marriage to also work but I don’t know… Is this also some of the devil’s work against marriages?

—Sandra

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