Akoto and I started dating three years ago. We were best friends who fell in love. As people who knew each other closely, we were not blind to our differences. I am a typical church girl while he was not so much into church. It didn’t bother me though. I have always wanted a man who is kind, caring, and God-fearing. He happened to be all of that for me. So I chose him.

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When the relationship began I told him, “As a Christian woman, I don’t want to sin against my flesh and God. So we won’t have sex until marriage. Are you okay with that?”

Without missing a beat, he said yes. “I am with you all the way. We won’t do anything you are not ready for.”

I was happy to hear that. Most men came into my life and walked away when I refused to give them my cookie. So Akoto felt like the best thing to ever happen to me.

We were walking the talk until we weren’t. He started getting restless. Asking me for things I had told him I wasn’t ready for. “Let’s just do it once. Are you not curious to see how it feels?” I shook my head and said no.

Another time he said, “What does it matter when we do it? I am going to marry you anyway.”

“If it doesn’t matter that much then let’s just wait until marriage.”

The next time he asked me, “What about my needs? I am a man, you know.”

In the end, I compromised. I decided to give him some access to my body. A little touch and some makeouts. We never went all the way but each time it happened, I felt uneasy. My spirit was never at peace. I told him how it made me feel. Still, he showed little concern.

I tried to get him to go to church more but he wasn’t interested. Although I didn’t mind at first, it began to bother me. I felt if he was regularly in church, it would tame his carnal side. He didn’t see that way. “Whether or not I go to church, I believe in God,” he would object.

Believing in God is different from having a deep relationship with him. This argument never died between us. After a while, I felt like I was drifting away from God because of the nature of our relationship.

Two years into the relationship, I felt completely worn out. He started braiding his hair, acting like a gangster, and doing things that didn’t reflect the values I cherished. I tried talking to him about it, but he only seemed interested in doing what pleased him.

We argued about it constantly but he made no effort to fix things. So I started pulling away from him.

While my attention was shifting from Akoto, another man showed interest in me. Joseph is a brother in Christ. At the time, he seemed like everything I had prayed for in a husband: kind, loving, protective, and truly God-fearing. He filled the emotional and spiritual space my boyfriend had left empty. So, when he asked me out, I said yes.

Now, here’s where I’m confused.

This new man, who seemed to be everything I wanted, turned out to be the opposite of everything I stand for.

I know he loves me. He shows me in ways that he cares about me. His weakness comes into play when it comes to sexual purity. He is worse than Akoto.

In the beginning, he promised me we would have a Godly relationship, but now he wants me to put God aside and satisfy his needs. “I can’t do it,” I tell him, “it makes me uncomfortable.”

I Was Fine Until I Was Alone In My Room

Every time I say no, he says sorry, but he repeats the same behaviour another time.

So here I am, torn and uncertain. I don’t want to lose my relationship with God. I truly desire a Godly relationship. But does that even exist anymore? These men are making me feel like I am old-fashioned. So I am wondering if the next man I meet after Joseph will be worse. Are there men out there who are willing to wait till marriage before getting intimate with a woman?

—Francisca

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