The man I have been dating for almost a year now constantly makes me feel undervalued, especially on significant days. Yesterday was my birthday but he didn’t remember it. I even posted something about it on my WhatsApp status. He didn’t see it.

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I’m currently staying with a relative, and they didn’t know it was my birthday until around noon when they saw my status. Despite the short notice, they still managed to surprise me with birthday presents and a small cake that we cut after dinner. It felt so nice. The fact that they put in effort to make me feel special on my birthday really touched me.

That’s why I was hurt that my boyfriend, to whom I had mentioned my birthday repeatedly, completely forgot. So last night, I had mixed feelings. While I was happy and grateful for the effort my relatives made, I was also deeply disappointed and sad that the one person I truly wanted to feel appreciated by did absolutely nothing. Up till now, I haven’t said anything about it and neither has he.

It’s not just my birthday — he also did nothing for Valentine’s Day. Apart from sending me a message, he didn’t make any efforts to make the day special.

What hurts the most is that other people go out of their way to make me feel valued and special on such days, but not him.

Now, my boyfriend is an introvert. He doesn’t like calling much because his job involves a lot of calls and online meetings, so he’s usually exhausted by evening. He prefers texting, and to be fair, he rarely goes a day without texting to check on me, and I appreciate that.

However, I prefer calls. I’ve told him several times that I put up with mostly texts for his sake but I would like phone calls as well. He doesn’t seem willing to compromise. Even when he does call, he isn’t consistent. Sometimes, I have to be the one to initiate the calls when he’s been quiet for a while. I didn’t mind doing it at first but I am getting tired of doing it all alone.

Even our chats are mostly surface-level. There’s not much depth or meaningful communication. Sometimes, his replies take too long, and while I try to be understanding because of his work, it still leaves me feeling emotionally disconnected.

Another issue is that he doesn’t keep his word. He often says he’ll do something but doesn’t follow through. It’s frustrating because I find it hard to trust anything he says or rely on him.

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He is talking about marriage but I keep wondering what my life would be like if I were to marry him. Would I always feel this unseen, this unappreciated?

That said, I do love certain things about him. He’s calm, mature, quick to apologise when he’s wrong, and always encourages my personal growth. I truly appreciate those qualities.

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But right now, I’m conflicted. I’m having a roller coaster of emotions, and part of me just wants to let go of the relationship altogether.

What do you think? Are my reasons enough to walk away, or should I handle this differently? And especially about forgetting my birthday — what should I do?

—Megan

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