He didn’t tell me he had a child when we started dating. A year later, when I’d become very close to his sister, she told me her brother had a kid. She didn’t mean to tell me, but it came out all the same. She asked me not to mention her name if it came up in our conversations.

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I asked him about it, and he denied it. I said, “So why does your family think you have a child?”

He told me the lady in question had falsely accused him of being the father and he denied it. He later heard the lady had given the child to another person to raise, so that child couldn’t be his. I asked if he had conducted a DNA test, and he said he didn’t have the money to waste on what he already knew.

I went behind him to do my own investigation. I spoke to the mother of the child, and she was very receptive. I asked about the child, and she told me what my boyfriend said wasn’t the truth. He had even gone to her house to name the child and had been sending money for the child’s upkeep. She sent me a screenshot of the last money he sent to her, and it was only a couple of weeks ago.

I went to him and asked why he had to lie. He told me he didn’t want to lose me and that the child’s existence didn’t affect us in any way. Saying I was hurt would be an understatement. I told him, “I don’t like a man who will lie to me over little things.” He apologized and said it wasn’t going to happen again. Fine. I loved him, and he’d been a great boyfriend, so I could forgive that.

Just yesterday, I found out the lady was pregnant again, and he was responsible for the pregnancy. I read it on his phone. He was begging the lady to have an abortion so it wouldn’t destroy his relationship with me. The lady answered, “Because of what you just said, I will have the child. Let her leave you.”

He couldn’t deny it when I showed him the evidence. I told him it was over. He begged me not to go and promised he would right his wrongs.

A few days before I found out about the pregnancy, we were talking about marrying early next year, and he was like, “I’ll see your parents before December.”

Because I told him it was over, he went to my parents to announce to them that we are getting married soon so they should give him a list of requirements. My parents are sold, and now they’re the ones convincing me to accept him back because he has marriage intentions. My mom won’t let me breathe because of this issue, telling me I already know the devil I’m getting married to, and that’s better than an angel I don’t know.

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I won’t date an angel I don’t know, and of course, I won’t date a devil I know, either. My mom thinks he loves me and will change for me, but I feel I’ve seen enough not to make a decision in his favor. It’s not the children he has that’s my problem, but the way he handled it.

Should I take him back and marry him as my parents are asking me to? Or would that be my biggest mistake?

—Yaa

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