I met my girlfriend at a singles’ retreat organised by our church. Actually, I wouldn’t say I met her there because we had been attending the same church for almost two years. We knew each other’s faces, but we had never had a proper conversation. Our pastor was the one who brought us together.

During the retreat, we had a session where we discussed relationships and marriage. Pastor asked those of us who were single to talk about the qualities we wanted in our future partners. When it got to my turn, I said I wanted a God-fearing woman who was respectful, supportive and ready to build a Christian home.

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When it got to Babs, she said she wanted a man who could lead a family but wouldn’t use his position as the head to make his wife miserable. Everybody laughed at the last part. Pastor looked at both of us and said, “I think you two should get to know each other.”

That was how everything started. Pastor encouraged us to talk, pray and see where things would lead. By the end of the retreat, he had already started referring to us as his future couple. We were excited about the attention. We even promised him that we would make the relationship work so the other young people in church could learn from us.

One month into the relationship, we discovered that we had almost nothing in common. Babs is the kind of woman who will tell you exactly what is on her mind, regardless of how you feel about it. She doesn’t know how to pretend. If she’s angry, everybody will know. If she doesn’t agree with something, she’ll argue until you either convince her or give up.

I’m different. I prefer peace and quiet. I don’t like arguments, especially in public. Our first problem was her dressing. Babs loves fashionable clothes. Sometimes she wears things I consider inappropriate for church. I would tell her to change, and she would ask whether I was her father.

One Sunday, she wore a fitted dress to church. I whispered to her that the dress was too tight. She asked, “Is it your body?” I told her to lower her voice. She said, “Then stop policing my clothes.”

We fought about almost everything. Food, money, communication, and the people we associated with. Sometimes I would ask myself how two people who had promised to become an example to the church could be so incompatible. I suggested we end the relationship.

She agreed. But whenever we tried to break up, someone from church would ask about our wedding plans. Pastor would call and encourage us to pray through our differences. We didn’t want to disappoint him so we kept trying.

Two months into the relationship, Babs called me one evening and said she needed to see me urgently. When I got to her house, she handed me a pregnancy test. It was positive.

My first thought wasn’t even about becoming a father. I thought about pastor. I thought about the youth in church who looked up to us. I thought about the promise we had made at the retreat. How were we going to explain that the couple pastor had personally brought together was expecting a child after only two months of dating?

I told Babs we couldn’t keep the pregnancy. She said, “Who said anything about removing it?” I told her we weren’t ready. We fought every day, we had no marriage plans, and neither of us was financially prepared for a child. She listened and said, “I’m keeping my baby.”

I lost my temper. “Babs, you will do it by force. Do you want us to embarrass pastor? After everything we promised him? You will do it.”

We argued for almost two hours. She refused to change her mind. The following day, she called and said she had thought about everything. If I wanted her to abort, I would have to compensate her.

I complained, but eventually I agreed. I gave her GHC5,000 of my hard earned money and she counted everything in front of me.

That morning, I picked her up from her house. When we got to the hospital, she went inside while I waited near the entrance.

One hour passed. Then two hours. By the third hour, I was getting worried. After almost four hours, I entered the hospital and asked about her. The person I spoke to said, “She didn’t spend a minute here. She left through the other exit.”

I rushed outside and called her she didn’t pick up. I went straight to her house and she was lying comfortably on her bed, watching something on her phone.

She said she changed her. She told me, “Timoo, you gave me GH₵5,000. It means if we really try, we can take care of this child.”

I told her raising a child wasn’t the same as raising GH₵5,000. She agreed. Then she asked, “But have you even tried to think about how we can make it work? All you’ve been thinking about is pastor and what people will say.”

For the first time since she told me she was pregnant, I started thinking about the child instead of the embarrassment. She said, “If you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine. But I’m not going to lose my baby because we made a promise to pastor.”

My anger gradually disappeared. I looked at this stubborn woman sitting in front of me, and for the first time, I saw someone who could actually be my wife. She was plain crazy, in my opinion. But she was also courageous enough to disagree with me when she believed I was wrong.

We talked for hours. We discussed our finances, our differences and whether we genuinely wanted to remain together. I asked her, “Do you even love me?”

She laughed. I laughed too. That was the first time we had laughed together in weeks. We decided to give the relationship another chance, but this time, we would do it because we wanted to, not because pastor expected us to.

What Caused The Breakup Between You And Your Ex?

We eventually left the church. I have nothing against the pastor. I believe he meant well when he introduced us but somewhere along the way, we became more concerned about protecting his reputation than building a relationship we actually wanted.

We’ve started attending another church where nobody knows our story. We’ve also done the knocking rite. Both families know about the pregnancy, and they’ve been supportive. We’re waiting for our child to arrive before organising a very small traditional wedding.

I’m not proud of how I reacted when she told me about the pregnancy but I’m grateful we had that conversation in her room.

I went to the hospital that day thinking I was going to end a problem that could embarrass our pastor. I came back to discover that the woman I thought was too stubborn to marry was the one brave enough to remind me that we had a life of our own to live. And now, strangely enough, I can’t wait to marry her.

—Bra Timothy

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