We were attending premarital counselling when I realised the man I was about to marry had another girlfriend, Diana. Our four-year relationship had been up and down, but we hadn’t experienced any cheating issues since we started dating. You’d give me eggs and schnapps, and I would swear that I’d never seen another man since we started dating four years ago. He was a man, but I believed he could also swear the same way.
So when I noticed this cheating issue, I got scared. I started asking how long he had been doing it in my blind spot and, if he had been doing it, what money was he using to chase the other women? Because for the four years we’d been dating, we’d lived from hand to mouth.
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He denied ever dating Diana. He even said he was disappointed in me that, at this stage of our relationship, I would believe he had the time to chase after other women. He didn’t know I had evidence. He had deleted their chat, but I had screenshots. I pulled them out one after the other before he shut up and started apologising.
“Please don’t take this far. It’s just a blip. I don’t even know what came over me. I swear this will never happen again.”
I wanted to believe him, but I didn’t want to also get married with an unresolved case hanging over our relationship. So the next time we went for counselling, I told our team of counsellors about it, and they all screamed, “Cheating at this time?”
He admitted his mistake and asked for prayers. He said he would do better going forward. We had already set our wedding date, and it was just two months away. The main counsellor, who happened to be my pastor, advised that we should put everything on hold and start rebuilding trust. Once I was sure that I could trust his repentance and give him another chance, we could return to counselling.
Philip felt let down that I didn’t trust his words enough and had taken the issue to counselling. He blamed me for allowing them to put our wedding on hold. I told him we could still go back the next day and tell them trust had been built if only he was ready to do my wish for me.
I asked him to call Diana, put her on loudspeaker, and break up with her. And since Diana didn’t know he was about to get married, he should give me a few minutes to also apologise to her and plead with her to stay away. I wasn’t going to talk to her, but I wanted to see how easily he would agree to that.
He said, “I’ve blocked her since you caught me. I told her I was getting married, so there’s nothing to be worried about.” After saying all that, he started calling her number. He called the lady three times, but she didn’t pick up. He said, “She’s angry with me. That’s why she’s not picking up my calls.”
I almost believed him, but later that night, I decided to call Diana myself. I introduced myself to her and told her I was the woman Philip was getting married to. She asked, “Philip? You mean my own Philip?” I answered, “Yeah, the guy you were dating. I learned he called to break up with you, but I also want us to talk, so…”
“Called to break up with who?” she interrupted. “He hasn’t told me anything. Even today, we were talking. He hasn’t been talking to me for a while now, but he said he was in a village where the network was poor. That’s all.”
I was shocked, but Diana was so respectful that our mutual shock turned into girls-girls conversation. She asked what I was going to do, and I told her what our counsellors said. She said, “If I were you, there would be no second chance. A man like this won’t change.”
We agreed to call him and put him on a conference call, but he didn’t pick up. Diana said I could trust her that she was done with him and nothing could take her back. I think Diana called him and threatened to curse him and also demanded an amount for making a fool out of her. I was enjoying the drama and telling myself that he would learn sense.
This issue went on for over three months. We had stopped the counselling and were trying hard to kill that issue. Diana would call me and tell me where they had gotten to. She told me where Philip had promised to pay the money and even laughed that she wasn’t going to accept the money, but she wanted to know if he would pay. He ended up sending half of the money to her, and she returned it to him.
To bring the issue to an end, Diana told me she was done and, if indeed I was ready to marry him, I should go ahead, and she would attend the wedding because of me.
We went back to counselling. He wasn’t the same man again. He had lost his confidence and spoke like the man he was had been taken away. The counsellors asked if we were indeed ready to do it again. He said yes without thinking twice. I hesitated and then said yes. What Diana told me was ringing in my ears, that she wouldn’t have married him if it were her.
Pastor asked me, “Do you have anything to say?” I responded, “I don’t think I’m ready. I want to go ahead with it, but the voices in my head aren’t settled yet.”
They still gave us more time, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to the counselling again. Everything about our relationship died through the troubles. We kissed, and it felt raw. He tried so many times for us to be intimate, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Eventually, I told him it was better we let go. He said I’d allowed a small axe to cut down an oak tree. I responded that if the axe is sharp, anything at all doesn’t stand a chance. We broke up, but that wasn’t the end of the story.
Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?
Diana sent me a photo. Philip was in her room. She said, “This is the man you wanted to marry? See, he’s here waxing lyrical about his love for me and calling you an obstacle.” I responded, “Please marry him.” She sent plenty of laughing emojis, and I sent the same back. Later, when he was gone, she called me, and we laughed at him.
Diana is now a very good friend of mine, a ruby I found in the debris of my collapsed relationship. Even sharing this story was her idea. A man approaches her today, and she would send me his picture and ask, “Please, I hope this one is also not your boyfriend. I don’t want to have problems with you.”
Then we would send our favourite emojis, knowing very well we were indeed laughing out loud, even louder than the emojis could ever tell.
—Diana’s Sister
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