We dated long-distance for two years. I was in school abroad, and Prince was in Ghana. He was a friend in Ghana before I left to study abroad. When I got to the UK, I met an old man who was very kind to me, so he became like my father. One day on social media, I saw Prince had posted a photo of this same man I was with in the UK and was wishing him a happy birthday.

I sent him a message and asked where he knew the man from, and he said the man was his uncle. Such a small world. I called him and gave the phone to his uncle. He was shocked we knew each other. Before that day, he was just someone I used to know, but knowing his uncle brought us together. We talked every day, and when I was with his uncle and he called, we talked.

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Our friendship grew until we found ourselves dating. I didn’t think it would lead anywhere because of the distance, but he was relentless and committed. He showed love through the distance, and for two years, he was my everything. When I was finally returning to Ghana, we arranged to get married as soon as possible.

I was in Ghana in September, and we got married in February. Before we got married, he insisted we should rent at least a two-bedroom apartment for our own comfort. Where he was living was fine and spacious. I’m not a woman with too many belongings, so I suggested we should share that space until we saved enough for the kind of space he wanted. He didn’t agree, so while we were planning our wedding, we were also out there looking for accommodation.

Unfortunately for us, we couldn’t get the place we wanted until we got married. After marriage, I lived in my parents’ house and was only able to visit him and stay for a while. I realised something anytime I stayed over a week with him. He was always eager to see me off. He would constantly ask me when I was leaving as if I were his girlfriend and not a woman he was married to.

When I pushed back, he told me he meant well and wasn’t forcing me to leave. Eventually, we got our new place, and we moved in together. Two bedrooms, one master bedroom and a guest room, but while we were arranging the place, I realised he was packing his things into the guest room. I asked why, and he said, “That’s where I’m going to stay.” I asked why, and he retorted, “I don’t want that place to be empty, so I’ll stay there.”

We argued. Something wasn’t right. Just a few months married, and already he was choosing a different room. I asked for an explanation. I didn’t shout or try to be mean about it, but he got defensive and told me he liked it that way, for us to be in separate rooms. He wouldn’t explain until it turned into anger.

He told me it’s for the benefit of the marriage because he didn’t know how to share his space for long. He gets angry and becomes bored easily when someone takes over his space and doesn’t go away. I was that someone who was going to take over his space, and to prevent anger, we ought to be in separate rooms.

I didn’t agree, but it didn’t matter to him. He’ll come to my room whenever he feels like. Or invite me to his room whenever he feels like. When I feel like being with him and he doesn’t feel like having my presence, he would tell me no. Our marriage was on rotation. I have a husband but can’t see him when I want.

We’ve been married for over five months, but I can count the number of times I’ve shared a bed with my husband for a whole night. It doesn’t happen. He would come to me, get intimate and just leave like I was a whore he paid for my service. Aftercare is very important to me, but he only wants to satisfy his feelings and then walk away.

When I’m ovulating and all I want is to be with him, I would have to beg him to allow me to spend the night with him. He’s OK and goes around the house with a smiling face, wearing his vibe on his sleeve. But I’m not happy. When I’m on my menses, he avoids me like the plague. I can cramp and moan in pain all day, and my husband would still stay away from me. The only thing he will do is ask if I’d taken some painkillers.

I had a sit-down conversation with him. I told him he lied to me. I asked why he didn’t bring this arrangement up when we were dating, knowing very well that it was very important to him. He said he didn’t talk about it because I didn’t ask. And then he told me, “I thought you would live abroad and only come to visit. I didn’t think you’d return and settle for good.”

I told him this right when we started dating. I said I wasn’t going to live in the UK after school because I missed home and would want to come and work. He knew this but still didn’t tell me about this arrangement. I had to marry him to know.

I’m a very touchy person when I’m in love. I want to put my head in his lap while we talk. I want to feel his breath down my neck while we sleep. My man is my space, but this one needs his space more than he needs me.

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I asked if he preferred the long-distance marriage, and he said he would pay me everything if only I would agree to it.

So now, I’m thinking of going back to the UK, not because I love being there. I will go there and seek a divorce and later come back home. I need the distance to make me forget that I’m married. If I don’t see him for a year, I’ll learn to live alone and forget about him. That way, it will be easier.

I don’t know if I’m making a good decision, but I know very well that this marriage isn’t a good decision. I need permission to live together with my husband? How’s that normal? Living together yet living apart? How’s that marriage?

—Edna     

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