I have a feeling my husband will leave me if he gets a job. He has been unemployed since he relocated to Ghana. I told him not to relocate. It was my dream for us to live in the UK, but he said it was hard living there and it would be better for him to return to Ghana.
He came with a plan, but so far, the plan hasn’t worked. The money he brought, he used almost everything on his parents’ building. He said he wanted to give them a befitting place to live. I told him he should find his feet first, but he was confident he was going to find a good job very soon and take life from there.
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Once that money was finished and there was no job, that was when he came to his senses. His parents’ house is stuck in the middle, yet there is no money to continue and no money to even take care of himself.
So we rely heavily on my income to pay bills, pay rent, and also take care of other domestic stuff. The problem now is that, after everything, he still wants to be the man in this marriage. The kind of man who waits for his wife to cook and serve him and probably sing a lullaby for him to sleep.
One day, I told him he had to pull his weight, or else I would also stop providing. I wouldn’t wash while he slept. I wouldn’t clean only for him to lift his feet for me to sweep under them. I wasn’t going to do all that and also provide for the house.
He got angry. He told me no matter what, he was the man, so I had to respect him. I didn’t disrespect him. I only told him to help with home stuff. He protested and said he wasn’t going to do it. I said fine.
So we are living in a house where I take care of myself and leave him out of the equation. I buy the foodstuff, but I’m not going to cook for him to eat. He can help himself or help me in the kitchen to do it.
I wash my clothes and leave his. It’s either he comes for us to wash together or he does his own laundry. When I cook, I cook for myself alone. The DStv is expired. He expects me to renew it so he can watch matches. Over my dead body. If he wouldn’t help with the basics, I wouldn’t also dig deep for him. When he wants sex, I’m available, but I’m not going to get pregnant when he doesn’t have a job.
He tells me, “Situations will change oo, and when things change, remember how you treated me.”
Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?
This makes me feel he’s planning vengeance. It’s either he’s going to maltreat me when he gets a job or he’s going to divorce me when he finds his feet again. I’m torn between leaving now before that day comes and trying to make things work the way we both want, but how do I make things work when he’s not ready to put in the work?
I should pay for everything in this house and still do all the domestic chores? Isn’t that soul-killing?
—Agyeiwaa
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One of the ways a man validates his masculinity is being a provider. If he falls short of that, he feels he has lost his masculinity and he starts feeling small. So another way to gain it is to Lord over you. Now ego has a big role to play in this. There are some men who are humane enough to say……. I’m not bringing anything(money) to the table so the least I can do is to help ease the burden at home. He cleans, cooks, help with the kids etc etc. Now these are chores that some men who providers still do. Your husband should be sensitive enough to do a few chores at home. The way you address the issue too should be done respectably not rubbing it in his face because times and seasons do really change.
As for paying you back, I’m sure he will. Just make sure you never lose your job. If not, he will show you pepper.
Last but not the least, some men don’t listen to advice. If he had, he won’t be where he is.
HEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chale, my advice after reading this story….man or woman, no matter what you do, please try and make your own money. At no point in time should you run out of money!
And boys, do not let “the man is the head of the house and thewoman the helper or supporter or helpsmate or helpsmeet” get to your head. Life is unpredictable. Act well. When you with a lady and she says something legit about life, please listen!
But the above still holds. Make your own money and never run out of moeny!