David is a tall, fair-complexioned man with broad shoulders. I had a crush on him for the longest time when we were at the university. I saw myself as someone who could not compare to him in terms of beauty. I am not tall, just average height. My skin tone is darker than his, one would say chocolate coloured. I am not someone you would call beautiful. Usually, people call me cute. 

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When we started talking, I found out he had just left a messy relationship. His girlfriend had caught him cheating with another girl he introduced to her as his school daughter. He impregnated both of them at the same time. It was when they were both getting rid of the pregnancies that the lady found out she was not the only one in his life. Unfortunately for him, the two girls clashed and fought physically at his hostel. All he did was watch them. When he got tired, he excused himself and called me to narrate the drama to me. 

I felt sad for them. The girls, I mean. I could relate with their experience. I too had caught my best friend sleeping with my boyfriend. They even did it once while I was sleeping on the same bed with them. That’s how I became single.

After David’s drama with his girls, he also became single. Me and him started sleeping together after that. It was all fun. He was very caring and nice. We stayed together during our school days. By the fourth year, he had to go to Abuja for another programme. I found out I was pregnant just before he left. We were both in school. I had to get rid of it so our education wouldn’t come to an end. 

Not even a week after he travelled, I came across his Facebook chat where he told a very beautiful, down-to-earth babe who was way younger than me, that I was not the kind of woman he wanted to spend his life with. He told her he really wanted her. She was his church member in Abuja. This broke me down so badly that I almost missed my examinations.

I called him. He apologized and said it was his cousin who used his phone to text the girl. I knew he was lying but I was deeply in love, so I let it go. However, the lies kept piling up until I got tired and left him.

I graduated, went back to my parents’ house, made new friends, and met new promising guys. But I didn’t move on. I was still not over him.

Later, I went back to school to check my results so I could start the process for my youth service. There, I ran into him and we started talking again. I remember how I got sick at that time, and all the ways he took good care of me. It made me let go of my past hurt. 

We got back together that year. Everything seemed fine. I would not say I gave him my 100 percent this time, but I was still in love with him.

He graduated and relocated to his sister’s place. I also had my own small apartment while I taught and earned money from my side hustle. During this time, he seemed normal until I found out he was flirting with his neighbourhood girls, church girls, and practically any girl around him.

I went through abortions again and again for him until I left for my youth service programme. Then we broke up again, and got back together again, toward the end of my service year. It didn’t take long before I found out I was pregnant again. I was 25 and tired of removing pregnancies. I decided I would keep this one. 

He wouldn’t have it. He kept telling me, “Don’t keep it. Even if it costs you your womb, we can adopt a child when we are ready to be parents. I bluntly refused.

My stubbornness almost cost me my sanity. I cried a lot during the pregnancy. He was not there for me in any way. Not financially, emotionally, or physically. I went through it alone. There was a lack of attention, no provisions, and little financial support. Oh, and the lies and cheating never stopped. The worst part was that he worked in a hotel, which made all his vices worse. 

I became a shadow of myself, constantly questioning my worth.

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By and by, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. He tries to be present in her life but he claims he is always busy with work, so he rarely comes around. As always, he continues to disappoint me. For instance, while I was battling postpartum depression, I found out he was dating another girl at work. She is beautiful. 

The people who told me about her said the two of them often behaved like husband and wife at the workplace. Around that time, I used to beg him to come around and help me take care of the child, but his excuse was always, “My work is demanding. I don’t have time.” 

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

Now my baby is two years old. She is very beautiful and smart. I was doing my best to detach from him emotionally but it has happened again. I am heavily pregnant with a second child. No marriage. I have become a baby-making machine with less value and less love. This time around too, his colleague at work told me he is dating yet another girl at work. That is his lifestyle. There is always a new girl he is sleeping with or flirting with. 

The same cycle has continued for years. He hasn’t changed but I have. I no longer feel impressed by his looks. My feelings for him are dead. I do not react much to the things I see or hear him do anymore. I am doing my best to keep my sanity. It’s making me wonder, when all is said and done, will I come out of this sane?

—Edwina

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