We are a few months away from getting married, but I honestly don’t know if I should continue with marrying her. We have been together for two years, and we have a daughter whom we didn’t plan for at all. But what can we do when a bundle of joy decides to come along? The marriage ceremony was supposed to be done alongside the naming ceremony, but something came up and we couldn’t go through with it.

It didn’t deter me. My family and I went ahead to seek her hand in marriage. I have done the knocking ceremony, and we are now preparing for the engagement.

Everything has been going well so far, until these last few months.

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My fiancée still has the contacts of all her former boyfriends. There are many of them, and she still has about half of their contacts saved on her phone. It doesn’t end there. Some of them call her at ungodly hours, 12 midnight, 1 a.m., whenever they want. They are all still chasing her.

Honestly, I don’t have a big problem with her having their contacts because I still have some of my exes’ contacts, and they sometimes call me too. The difference is that I have set strict boundaries between us. We don’t call each other at ungodly hours, and we don’t entertain each other in ways that could disrespect my relationship.

But my girlfriend has entertained her former partners to a level I find unacceptable.

Recently, one of her ex-boyfriends asked her for a “one-night stand.” Another asked her to cook Jollof rice for him. I spoke to her about it, and she told me, “These people have money, and I can do their bidding and get money from them to help hold our house together.”

She even asked for my permission to go ahead with it. I thought she was going to burst into laughter and say, “It’s a joke.”

No. She was very serious. She was actually waiting for my approval to agree to the whims of her ex and bring the money home to spend on the family. While we are not wealthy, we are comfortable. We have food on the table and clothes on our backs. I don’t understand where her thirst for more is coming from. Wanting more is not a bad thing, but being willing to pursue it in such a deceitful way is what I don’t understand.

I even overheard her telling her best friend that Yaw, one of her exes, is coming to Ghana and that she wants to try to meet him. It also turns out that he is the designer who worked on our daughter’s christening invitation.

How would that make you feel as a man? Furious? Angry? Sad? Or indifferent? If I had not been eavesdropping, I wouldn’t have known.

I have sat down with her on numerous occasions to discuss this behaviour. She will look at me and nod as if she is listening, only to end up giving me the silent treatment afterwards. For days, I have to go and beg her to come back to normal because I want a happy family.

I haven’t even started to complain about how we have a timetable for sex. Yes, we do. Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is the part I don’t want to wash my dirty linen in public, but yes, it is happening.

We are not legally married. I have done the knocking ceremony, but the engagement is still on its way. We are still preparing for it. We talk about the rings, the colour of the day, and whatever else needs to be done. But whenever I think about it now, I feel like a light has gone off inside me. I am no longer interested in doing it again.

I have thought about this deeply, and I feel I have many reasons not to go ahead with the marriage.

Who Would You Choose, A Rich Man Or A Man Who’s Good In Bed?

So I am considering handing over the budgeted wedding funds to her as compensation, so that she can fly as far as her wings will allow. I will do right by my daughter, and I will also do right by her as the mother of my child.

But I don’t think I can force myself into a marriage when something inside me is already telling me not to go ahead.

Am I being inconsiderate?

— Peter

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