
John Kwame Addo, that’s my husband’s name. Our marriage is only two years old but it’s already falling apart. The last time I told him I would file for a divorce if he does not change his ways, he called my bluff. He said, “You are an adult. Leave the marriage if that’s what you want.”
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How did we even get here? Is this what happens if you marry someone you only dated for three months? He sold me a dream of a beautiful life as his wife. That’s why I rushed to marry him. I expected us to have a sweet relationship but the moment we got married my expectations were crushed.
I used to call him “Sweetheart,” or “My better half” while he called me by my first name, “Rita.” Before long, he told me not to call him by any pet names. “You know my official name. Call my by any of them.” He seemed very keen on it so I started calling him, “Mr. Addo,” “Mr. John,” or “Kwame.” He was fine with it so I maintained that energy.
The drama began when I went to his workplace with a colleague to visit a staff member who had been admitted there. He is a healthcare professional. When I got to the hospital and saw my husband, I smiled at him and said, “Kwame.”
He also looked at me and smiled back. He seemed busy, so I didn’t start a conversation. There were two women near him. One of them was on her phone but, she looked at me and said, “You don’t respect. You call your husband ‘Kwame’. Just like that in public? Is that how you are? I can’t imagine your attitude toward him in private.”
Everyone around turned to look at me, including some of the health workers. I was so embarrassed. I expected my husband to say something in my defense but he didn’t. The woman is someone I recognized from our wedding. I didn’t want to give her the chance to humiliate me again, so I ignored her.
On our way back to school, I was upset. My friend tried to cheer me up and said, “Don’t mind her. It’s probably menopause making her act that way.”
When I got home, I expected my husband to at least address the issue, but he didn’t. I was in emotional pain. I couldn’t even eat that evening. When I brought it up, he dismissed it and said, “Forget about that incident. It’s not necessary.”
That hurt me. I stayed quiet but decided to punish him in my own way for three days. At night, he wanted intimacy. I told him, “Forget about it. It’s not necessary.” He tried again at dawn, and I still refused.
Earlier, we had agreed to buy a new TV and split the cost. That morning, he asked for my share, but I didn’t give it to him. I was still waiting for him to acknowledge what I went through at his workplace, but he still didn’t.
He came back home that evening with a new TV, but I didn’t cook anything for him that afternoon, as part of his punishment. That night too, when he asked for intimacy, I said it wasn’t necessary.
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The next night, he didn’t eat the food I prepared, and didn’t sleep on the same bed with me. From then on, he started coming home late. Sometimes he’d eat; sometimes he wouldn’t. But I ignored him.
This went on for about seven weeks. After that, he stopped coming home entirely. Later, I found out he rented a room near his workplace.
At first, I didn’t want to involve a third party. Because he told me before we got married that we didn’t need outsiders to resolve our problems. However, when things went beyond control, I reached out to his mother (his father has passed). She promised to try her best to talk to him. However, she also said, “You two are adults, so you should be able to work things out yourselves.”
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After the call, I didn’t hear from her again. When I told my mother about our current situation, she was furious. She supports me if I decide to divorce him. But when I called my father, he told me to apologize to my husband. Apologize? I, the victim should apologize?
Now that my husband is also saying I should go ahead and file for divorce if that’s what I want, I don’t know what to do. My parents are already divorced. I fear going down the same path. As for that woman, God will judge her. I believe she’s the root of all this.
—Gail
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Don’t drag this matter for it to escalate, it could get worse, just apologize Madam, and resolve the differences, don’t let your egos ruin this beautiful relationship you built
Madam, divorce. He’s clearly cheating on you and he should have stood up for you or at least acknowledge it. He saf wants you to go
You’re clearly the problem. How is your husband responsible for someone’s poor manners? Your problem is arrogance and ego. You wanted your husband to apologize for something he’s not responsible for? No it doesn’t work that. He’s right to say it is not necessary
My dear the woman may be the problem but sadly u gave the devil the chance to operate the moment u decided to solve it ur own way by not giving him shuperu, food etc. Never in ur life use this to punish a men. U are wrong atleast u shd hv listen to ur friends when they said is menopause and let it slide . Sometimes don’t let people validation gets into you .apologize n let peace reign . Divorce shd not come in koraa, because this is not an issue for Divorce. Medo bra. U both shd not let ur egos take the better part of ur marriage. Don’t let history with ur parent repeat itself. Watch the movie 4th Generation by Toyin Abraham n u will understand me better.
ur marriage was already in limbo before the woman’s reaction
u don’t need to divorce, talk with him and resolve all matters. Don’t let ur ego guard you
Are you saying you don’t know what to do? You decided to take that path and that’s the reward. You allowed your ego to dictate to you. When your husband told you to forget about it you should have done so. Never in your life try to punish a man with sex and food. Mind you they are easily available out there. In life I have adapted 4 things. I don’t react to issues immediately. They are ignore, esc, delete and wink. If I try these and the situation is still the same then I react. Just apologize to your husband.
Sorry Ma, I understand your pain. Truly sorry about that. Personally, I believe a man must stand to defend his wife or lady at all times even in a situation that could be classified as a joke since not everyone can handle certain types of jokes.
It is also unfortunate, he couldn’t give you the emotional support you needed as his wife but rather brushed off your concerns which hurt you.
In as much as I empathize with you, you have successfully handed over the keys of your marriage to an outsider who has no knowledge of how the relationship between you and your husband works.
This you did by deciding to punish your husband. Really it’s not in any one’s place to decide to punish his/her spouse.
Rather, address this, talk to him and let him know how you felt. Meanwhile, I hope wisdom and understanding will also prevail at his side so that he’ll also understand what is right.
Men will always be men…expecting an apology from head of family whiles you the woman isn’t willing to let go…
Clearly you don’t want the divorce but if you don’t climb off your high horse and apologize a divorce you shall get. Your choice!