The first time I cried in my marriage, I cried because of how life was treating me. I’d been married for two years and had nothing to show for it. No child. My husband was slipping through my fingers. My marriage was getting stale because my husband was scared I might not be able to give him a child. He talked about a child as if his life depended on it. His mother called often to ask what was wrong. I told her God’s time was the best but she didn’t want to hear that. She screamed, “Give my son a child. He’s the only child so I expect more from him.”

And then I found out one day that I was pregnant.

I jubilated. I offered a thanksgiving prayer to God. I told my husband about it and his question was, “Are you sure?” I showed him the test kit. He told me to go to the hospital and check because a test kit had a way of getting it wrong sometimes.

I went to the hospital with him and checked. Yes, I was pregnant. He smiled to himself. He muttered, “Thank God” and picked his phone up and called his mother. “Adwoa is pregnant.” I didn’t hear what his mother said but my husband smiled. I guessed she was happy to hear that.

Two months later, I lost the baby. I miscarried right before my husband. He saw me bleeding and in pain and what he said was, “It better not be my baby.”

Because it was the baby, he abandoned me at the hospital. He didn’t come for me, he didn’t pay the bills. I came home and he gave me a cold shoulder as if to tell me I was responsible for losing the child. That I did something wrong. I cried. The first time I cried because of my marriage.

It took me two years to get pregnant again. I won’t try to enumerate the shame I went through within those two years. The disrespect I suffered from my husband and his mom and even from his cousins. When I found out that I was pregnant, I didn’t tell him but he found the test kit and asked questions. “When are you going to tell me?” I answered, “I want confirmation from the hospital before I say anything.”

I was two months pregnant when I lost it. My husband screamed, “Again? I believe you’re cursed. Nothing good will come from you. Ever since I met you, it’s been one disappointment after the other. I should have been a better person than this but look at me now.”

It didn’t end there. He told his mother and the woman came home to also tell me her mind. She said I might be cursed or something evil is after me. She asked, “Or it’s from your family, that your sick family?”

She called my family a sick family because of my dad. He had gone blind because of glaucoma. The woman used that as an insult to my family. I cried every night and prayed to God for directions. Everything that went wrong was my fault. I was the wrong thing in his life so he kept disrespecting me.

One day I met Aunty Connie in the market. Connie calls me Obroni because of my colour. She tells me I’m the best thing that happened to my husband and his family because they don’t have any dignified person in their family apart from me. Connie lives in the same compound house my mother-in-law lives. She met me in the market and held my hand and took me to a quiet place to talk.

She told me, “I’m not supposed to tell you this but you have to know so you plan your life well. There’s a young lady living with your mother-in-law. Your husband comes there every day to see her. I heard she’s pregnant for your husband and it’s the reason she’s living with that devil. I heard and I confirmed it. I know what you’re going through and it won’t surprise me that your in-law is behind it. Intensify your prayers.”

I didn’t bother to ask my husband about it because I knew what he would tell me. I called and cried to my mom. She told me, “If you think you’ve had enough of the marriage, please come home. I’m tired of hearing you cry because of a man. I didn’t raise you to be a crying object for a man.”

What my mom told me got me energized. When my husband came I confronted him about it and his answer was, “What do you expect from me when you don’t want to give birth? That lady is going to do what you haven’t been able to do in six years.”

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Herh…you may think you’ve known the greatest pain until your husband opens his mouth to tell your pain in a song. I broke down completely. That day I should have left but I accused the devil of destroying my marriage. I prayed all night that night. I asked God to be my help. I asked him to fight for me.

While going through all that fight with my husband, I was pregnant and didn’t know it. I started experiencing dizziness and a slight headache, mostly migraine. I’ve had that feeling in my past pregnancies so I checked and I was pregnant. I didn’t say a word. I packed a few things and left the house for my parent’s house.

A few weeks later, I lost that one too. I was crying and cussing my stars when I saw Aunt Connie calling my phone; “I don’t know whether to call it good news or bad news but the lady I told you about got a miscarriage too. It looks like the fault is from your husband’s family. Come and see tears and wailing, it’s like a funeral here.”

I quickly cleared my tears and told my mom, “I think I know what to do now.” I told my dad my marriage had come to an end and he told me, “I hope it makes you happy. We raised you well.”

When I told my husband I was leaving, he told his mom. His mom called asking me if I needed help packing my things out of her son’s house. I laughed. I thanked her for being a good in-law. I told her, “You’ll eventually get what you want, I’ll pray for you.” Her response was, “Go and pray for your sick family, you witch.”

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We finalized our divorce this year. I learned the lady has miscarried her second child. I learned my husband is going up the hill and down the seas looking for solutions to the problem. I pray he gets it and I pray he breaks away from the shackles of his mother. He’s a good man when he’s himself. It’s only when his mom comes in that he misbehaves. I pray for him. I wish him well, just as I wish myself well.

—Maame Adwoa

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