When we were dating, she used my towel, wore my boxer shorts and dressed in my t-shirts. She would come over for the weekend and the only thing she would bring were makeup stuff and panties. As time went on, the front of my dressing mirror swelled up with her properties; creams, brushes of different shapes and styles, colors of the rainbow in the form of makeup. She would bring one thing today and leave it there for the next visit.

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It was fine by me. We were looking into the future together so that provided us the opportunity to know each other inside out. Two years of being with her made me think I knew her very much but just a few weeks in marriage and I’m asking myself, “How come I didn’t see this when we were dating?”

She wants to use my things when she’s in the house. She still wears my boxers and singlets around. It used to be only that but these days, she would wear my shirts, the ones I wear to work, around the house casually. These shirts are carefully collected for specific occasions but she doesn’t mind wearing them while cooking. She says she likes my scent in the shirt and it makes her feel my closeness.

That aside, she doesn’t want to keep separate towels. She would use mine even when there are two towels hanging in the bath. I hate wet towels. She tells me I should get used to it because I’m now two bodies in one soul. I don’t even know what that means. She would use my towel to clean her body, then use it as a cloth to cover her chest down and walk around. It hurts my eyes. It’s like she’s exposing the towels to dirt but she doesn’t care.

She washes them weekly but that still doesn’t make me want to share. When I bought a small towel to use, she turned it into her face towel.

As if this wasn’t enough, days ago I saw her using my toothbrush to brush her teeth. I was like, “Hey, what are you doing? That’s my toothbrush!” She responded, “Oh really? I don’t know which is which so I use whichever I lay hands on first.”

Hers is blue and white. Mine is green and white. Very distinct colours but she claimed she didn’t know the difference so ever since we started dating and later got married, she didn’t care about brushes, she just selects one and goes with it. Like how?

Everything can be allowed but not toothbrushes but she doesn’t care. While I find it disgusting she tells me, “Don’t you kiss with the same mouth this toothbrush cleans?”

“That’s different!”
“Oh gyai, there’s no difference bia!”

Now I’m hiding my toothbrush but if she sees it, she’ll intentionally use it and make sure I see her using it. As I said, though it’s not comfortable for me, I can learn to share my towels and boxers but I can’t learn to share toothbrushes, no matter what.

I’ve been angry about it. I’ve screamed about it. I’ve gone on silent demonstration about it. But the day I get angry is the day she would look for the hidden one and use it right in front of me. I can’t even get angry anymore. It’s like a fun game for her and she does it so annoyingly I end up laughing.

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So now, I carry my brush in my work bag. I carry it to work and bring it back. Because of her, I lock the zippers with a little padlock. I don’t know how normal that is in other homes but married couples, do you share brushes and towels and those things? Even if you’re not married, is this something you wouldn’t mind if it happened to you? Or am I making much about nothing?

—Derrick

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