The Covid-19 lockdown was like a honeymoon for us. It was crazy. We had both lost our jobs due to the lockdown. Yet we were in a good place in our marriage so we most the most of it. All the time we could not spend together because of busy work schedules was no longer an issue. The world had come to a standstill but not our love. We had food at home and some savings to keep us going. We don’t have children yet so it was just the two of us. The economic crisis that accompanied the pandemic did not hit us so hard. We were thriving where other relationships were withering.

Although we were comfortable, we did not slack in our prayer life. We are devout Christians who pray to God about everything. So while we thanked God for his provision we also asked him to open the windows of heaven and bless us with good jobs. As we continually prayed, the Lord heard our cries and answered our prayers. He sent a destiny helper our way. This helper told us, “There is no official hiring going on in the organization but bring your certificates, and let’s see what we can do.”

My wife and I submitted our certificates with hope in our eyes and faith in our hearts. At the end of the day, we received good news and bad news. The bad news was, there was only one slot at the organization. “We gave the slot to your wife. Better luck next time.” For me, that was good news. It was better one of us got the job than neither of us getting it at all. It was a job in the government sector which was all the better.

I put myself out there in search of decent work, but it was difficult for me to even get interviews with my SHS certificate. I resorted to doing “walatu walasa” (menial jobs) to bring something home. What I earned from my small jobs was not much but it was better than nothing. So I kept at it until an opportunity came my way a year after my wife got a job. An old friend of mine had started a business and was hiring. He thought of me and offered me a job. I believed that job was my financial breakthrough because the money was good. I earned enough to settle all the debts we accrued during the dark days of Covid.

Sadly, my friend made some bad investments and the business collapsed. I had to return to square one. I had nothing but years of working experience and an SHS certificate. This happened in September last year, and I have not had any luck getting a job since that time. I have been depending on my wife’s income for everything including airtime. In order to also contribute my part to the home, I took to the kitchen. By the time she closes from work, I cook and clean up the kitchen. “How was work today?” I would ask as we eat dinner. When we finish eating, I wash the dishes. I felt that was one of the ways I could be useful while I search for a job.

I have heard stories of how men get maltreated by their wives when they lose their jobs. Some of these stories are so horrible that I conclude the men who share the stories are exaggerating. Then it got to my turn to have my own experience. My wife has taken advantage of the fact that I cook and clean at home. She doesn’t cook anymore. She doesn’t even go to the market anymore. She would eat and tell me, “I have finished eating. Come for the plates and go and wash.” I was comfortable when I was doing all these on my own but it doesn’t mean she should make me feel it is my job to do them.

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I have lost my voice as a man in the house. She orders me around as if I am her maid. “Do this before I return from work today.” “There is grease on the stove, make sure you clean it after making dinner.” If she gets home and I don’t open the door for her quickly enough she would shout at me, “What were you doing in there that you’ve kept me waiting outside all this while? You know I don’t like that.” So not only am I her maid, but I am also her gateman.

I keep asking myself, “What happened to us? What happened to the happy couple that turned a global pandemic into a honeymoon? Where did all the love go? I am wondering if she is doing this to me because I am unemployed. Or if she is doing this because I took it upon myself to do chores while she brought in the money. Either way, it looks like I am the reason the dynamics of our marriage have shifted.

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What surprises me about all this is that my wife wakes up every dawn to go and preach on the streets before she goes to work. She preaches submission to wives and comes home to push me around. She preaches love to her audience, yet she is barely friends with me. Our relationship feels more like a servant-madam relationship than a loving marriage. Why is she out there telling people to do things she herself does not practice? Because of her, I now see all female preachers are hypocrites who preach virtues and practice vices.

I know that if the tables had turned, and I was the one with the job while she was unemployed, I would have treated her better than she is treating me. But it isn’t the case so I am doing my best to cope with the hand I have been dealt with. I pray that the light of God’s favour shines on me soon. So that I will get a job and reclaim my voice as a man in my home.

–Cecil

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