Seven years ago, I gave my wife GH₵5,000 to start a business. At that time, she had nothing doing. She had been complaining about staying home and depending on me for everything, so I decided to help her start something.

We rented a small shop, bought some goods and started from there. In the beginning, I sometimes had to give her additional money to restock because the business wasn’t making enough profit. Gradually, things improved.

She worked hard. I won’t take that away from her. Sometimes she would leave home early and return late because she was attending to customers. She was also very good at managing the business, so it kept growing.

READ ALSO: We Spent GH₵85,000 on Our Wedding. A Year Later, We Don’t Have a Home.

Throughout the seven years she has been doing business, I have never asked her to contribute anything towards our household expenses. I pay the rent, electricity, water and other bills. I buy food for the house and take care of our two children. Their school fees, books, uniforms and other expenses are all on me. Even when she started making good money, I didn’t change the arrangement.

My thinking was that I was the husband, so providing for the family was my responsibility. I wanted her to concentrate on growing her business without worrying about household expenses. Whenever I mentioned a financial challenge at home, she would behave as though it had nothing to do with her.

One day, our children’s school fees were due, and I was struggling to raise the full amount. I mentioned it to her, hoping she would offer to help. She simply said, “Oh, you’ll get it. God will provide.”

I eventually had to dig deep down my wallet to complete the payment. That incident bothered me, but I didn’t complain. It rather made me ask myself, “What does she do with the money she raises from the shop? Or that shop isn’t making any money for  these years.”

I went through her phone and saw some mobile money and bank transactions. She had been sending substantial amounts of money to her family. These weren’t occasional small amounts to buy food or pay hospital bills. Some of the transfers were so big that I had to check the figures twice.

I couldn’t understand how my wife could be sending GHC20,000 home when I was struggling to pay our children’s school fees. I confronted her. I asked why she had been transferring so much money to her family without telling me. She looked at me and asked, “So now I can’t spend the money I work for again?”

I told her that wasn’t what I meant. In fact, I had supported her parents financially on several occasions. My concern was why she was making such huge financial commitments without discussing them with me.

She became angry.

“My own money, I should come and ask you before I send it to my parents?”

She told me to stop monitoring her money. That response made me suspicious. I started asking questions around her family and making enquiries from people I thought would know the truth, and what I discovered was worse than what I had seen on her phone.

My wife has bought land and started building a house. She had also renovated her parents’ house. Not ordinary painting or changing a few things. She had spent money to make the house look almost new. Her mother now owns a big shop, almost the same size as the one I helped my wife establish.

Here I was, struggling to save money and sometimes borrowing to take care of our home. My wife, who had never contributed to our household expenses, was buying land, putting up a building and establishing businesses for her family.

I felt betrayed. I confronted her again, this time with everything I had discovered. I asked why she had hidden the land and building project from me. She said she didn’t hide anything. According to her, I simply hadn’t asked.

I almost laughed. How was I supposed to ask my wife whether she had secretly bought land somewhere? I asked her, “Is it was fair for me to shoulder every responsibility in our home while you invested your money elsewhere?”

She answered, “You decided to take care of the house. Did I force you?”

She told me to stop behaving as though I owned her just because I gave her a mere GHC5,000 to start a business.

Every word that came out of her mouth sounded hurtful. It was as if she was talking to a small boy she met on the street who was trying to be inquisitive. Then I asked whether the land and building were registered in her name. She told me it was none of my business.

And she said something I haven’t been able to get out of my mind.

“If I’ve done all these things and you think you can’t marry me again, you’re free to divorce me.”

I went quiet.

For years, I thought I was sacrificing for our family. I was denying myself certain comforts because I wanted my wife and children to have everything they needed. Meanwhile, my wife was making investments and securing her future without involving me.

I have been thinking about that statement every day. These days, I find it difficult to talk to her. Sometimes I look at her and wonder whether she would have treated me this way if her business hadn’t succeeded.

I want to divorce her and when I do, I will make sure she comes to ground zero. Maybe she thinks divorce is just a simple pack and go. I want her to experience the desert a divorce is.

A part of me also wants to let her understand that money cannot replace everything a husband brings into a marriage. I want her to feel the pain I feel but then I look at our two children. They love both of us. They have no idea what is happening between their parents. I don’t want to destroy their happiness because of our disagreements.

I also know that divorcing someone simply to bring them to their knees may not give me the satisfaction I imagine but how do I continue living with a woman who believes her money belongs to her alone while my money must take care of everybody?

What Caused The Breakup Between You And Your Ex?

I have never asked her to surrender her business to me. I have never demanded a share of her profits. All I wanted was for us to make decisions as a couple and share responsibility for the family we created.

She says if I cannot accept what she has done, I should divorce her. I’m beginning to think she means it. For seven years, I was building a comfortable life for my wife while she was building financial security for herself and her family. Now that I’ve discovered it, I’m the one being accused of trying to control her.

I want to divorce her, but I keep thinking about our children and the years we’ve spent together. Tell me, would I be making a mistake if I ended my marriage over this?

—Edward

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