Our first hug was in front of our church when service had ended. She waved and walked towards me with arms open. I opened mine, and she walked into them. Right away, my third leg got up. Luckily for me, there was a little gap between us, so she couldn’t feel the hardness.

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I’m in love with her, but she’s already dating someone else. She’s not aware I’m in love with her. She knows I like her, maybe as a friend or even as a sister. She calls me Mat, short for Matthew. She’s the only one who calls me that, and anytime I hear her say my name, my heart dances to no melody inside my chest.

We picked a taxi together. We sat next to each other. All was well until another passenger joined, so she had to push closer to my side. Once her skin touched mine, my third leg did a peekaboo in my trousers. I sat in a way that it wouldn’t show, but it stood on alert until she got to her stop and had to alight.

It makes me question the genuineness of what I feel for her. Is this love? Is this infatuation? Is this some third-leg adoration that I’m not aware of?

So I prayed about it. Believe me, I’m a church rat to the core. Everything I don’t understand, I take to God in prayer. I said, “Omniscient God, my third leg is making me doubt everything I feel for Your daughter Jennifer. It’s always restless when we touch. Just a little hug, and it’s up in arms for action. Could You please work a miracle with him? Calm him the way You calmed the raging seas.”

When we had another opportunity to hug again, I hugged her from the side of her shoulder—the one people call Pentecost hugging. She looked at my face and asked, “What’s wrong with you? Do I smell bad that you’d give me a shoulder hug?”

She pulled me in and engulfed me in the tightest hug we’ve ever had. She wouldn’t let go. While she was telling me, “Now, this is how to hug,” my third leg was up like the morning sun, kissing the tip of my flap. Once she felt it, she pulled away quickly, covered her mouth, and buried a laugh that was trying to escape.

I turned around quickly, flushed with embarrassment, and walked away slowly with my legs wide open to accommodate the bulge.

I’m a virgin. If I had her, she would have been my first and probably last girlfriend. I don’t know how the warmth of a woman feels. I don’t know what goes through the head of my third leg to behave this way whenever Jennifer is in the picture. Now I don’t know how the relationship will go forward, knowing what she knows. I’m so embarrassed I didn’t go to church last Sunday, and I blamed God for my absence. If only He had calmed my raging seas like He did for Peter, this wouldn’t have happened.

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Now I’m here asking you, mere mortals, since God isn’t talking to me—how do I remain calm around Jennifer and any other woman I may fall for in the near future? I don’t want my third leg to take the lead before I follow. Please help me.

—Matt

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