About four years ago I fell in love with Linda. She had this amazing personality. She is also very intelligent so it was easy to fall in love with her. We could talk and talk for hours about everything except her personal life. We could be having a thought-provoking conversation and then I would accidentally probe into her life, and she would shut down. I didn’t understand what made Linda so secretive about her past. But I told myself, “Maybe she doesn’t trust me enough to share every aspect of herself with me. So what I have to do is to create a safe space for her. When she realizes that I am on her side she would trust me.” So I stopped pushing to know things about her that she clearly wasn’t comfortable talking about. All I did was show her how much I loved her.

Eventually, she came to believe that my intentions were sincere, and she gave her love to me. Being in a relationship made us closer than we ever were. It also intensified my love for her. One day we were having a talk about our future. I mentioned the number of kids I imagined us having, and all of a sudden the energy shifted. She shut down. I became concerned; “What’s wrong? Do you not want to have kids?” She shook her head and looked as if she was about to cry. “Why don’t you want kids?” I asked again.

This time she said; “It’s not that I don’t want kids. I want them but I’m scared that I may not be able to conceive.” “Why do you say that? Do you have a medical condition? Or is there a history of infertility in your family?” I asked. Again she shook her head and said; “No, it would have been more forgivable if that were the case. The problem has to do with the past I lived. I did wild things that I wish I could go back and undo. Things that caused me to terminate several pregnancies. Because of this, I have the belief that my ultimate punishment will be an inability to bear children.” I come from a strong Christian home. And my entire life I walked the straight and narrow road, so I never imagined that I would fall in love with a lady who had a wild past, as she termed it. I won’t lie, it broke my heart to hear her say those things. But my love for her was stronger than anything, so I consoled her and told her everything would be fine.

After we finished talking, I thought deeply about her confession and decided that I would stick with her. I was ready to weather whatever storm came our way. We started talking about marriage so I took her home to meet my family. They received her warmly and made her feel at home. After she left they asked me; “How well do you know Linda?” I told them that I knew her well enough to want to marry her. My dad then said, “We will conduct our own investigations about her before we approve of your plans.” I was scared of what they might find but I confidently urged them on. My hope was that my parents would be accepting of her past just as I was.

I was there when my dad called me; “Kwame, we asked about this girl from people who know her very well. And I must say, the reports are not good. They said men have passed through her as they would a tunnel. I hope you understand what that means. I can’t allow my son to marry a woman with 0that kind of reputation.” I answered him, “Dad, I know about Linda’s past and I have accepted it. She is no longer that person and that is all that matters to me.” As soon as I said that, my mother started shouting in the background, “Why would a good Christian young man like you not find a nice girl who isn’t known for her promiscuous past to settle down with? What has this Linda girl done to you?” My mind was made up and that’s what I told them.

My mother, who was determined to break up my relationship with Linda, went snooping around her church. I don’t how she did it but she found one of the church sisters that Linda was very close to. And she asked questions about my girlfriend. This church sister went ahead and told my mother everything that Linda told her in confidence, including all the pregnancies she terminated. After hearing that bit of information, she put her foot down and forbade me from marrying Linda. My dad stood by her, and they both swore not to give me their blessings should I decide to go against them.

I brought in several people who my parents respect, to talk them out of their stance but they refused to change their minds. I also didn’t want to give up. I kept persuading them until one day my dad called me at dawn. He told me; “If you still stand by your desire to marry this girl then I will inform the other members of the family, and we will take it from there.” I gave him the go-ahead to do that but my mother still said no. She said; “What if you marry her and then you discover that she can’t have kids? You think you can handle it but you can’t. You will be miserable, and what happens if we are no longer around to hold you together?” I told them I would take whatever challenge came our way but she plainly refused.

READ MORE? My Ex-Boyfriend Is Using The Past Photo Of Us To Destroy My Current Love Life

We continued the back and forth for about one year. While all this was going on, I fell on my friend, Kweku. He was the one giving me the strength to keep fighting my parents. But after one year he asked me, “Chale, it doesn’t look like your parents will change their minds. It’s been one year already and nothing has changed. I know you love Linda but you have to set her free. Find a good girl with a clean past, and allow Linda to find a man whose family will accept her and her past.” What Kweku told me was a truth I didn’t want to face. I knew there was no way my parents would change their minds, but I also didn’t want to lose the woman I loved. After Kweku’s talk, I still held on to her. But like the good friend he was, he kept pushing me to do the needful and end the relationship. Every time Linda came up he would say, “What is it with this Linda girl? Bro, leave her already. Honestly, I support your parents on this. She has too much baggage. Eventually, I gave in to his advice. It broke my heart when I let Linda go, but it had to be done.

Well, I got married to another lady in 2020 and we currently have a fourteen-month-old boy. And Linda? She gave me the shock of my life when she got married to Kweku just recently. I feel slightly betrayed by Kweku. After all his talk about Linda carrying too much baggage, he goes ahead to marry her. It seems he said all those things so I would remove myself from the picture and pave the way for him. My only consolation is that I know he will be good to her. And after everything my family put her through, she deserves a good man. So I’m happy for both of them.

— Kwame

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