My ex died in a motor accident just a year after I got married. I was devastated. Just a few days before his death, we had spoken on the phone. He asked how married life was treating me and even told me he was getting ready to marry as well. Our relationship had remained very cordial after I got married.

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I was crying on the inside while trying to maintain my composure so my husband wouldn’t notice anything and judge me. A few days after I had done my best to process the news of Alfred’s death, my husband also heard about it and rushed home to tell me.

“They say Alfred died in an accident. Have you heard?”

I don’t know what came over me. I broke down instantly and started crying.

Looking shocked, my husband said, “Oh, you already knew. No wonder you’ve been acting strangely lately.”

He walked away while I stood there sobbing.

The next moment, my mom was calling me. The moment I picked up the phone, she screamed, “What silly thing are you doing in your marriage? Do you want to lose your husband because of your ex? Your ex is dead, so you don’t cook or clean in the house? All you do is cry?”

I was stunned. My mom wouldn’t let me explain.

“If you want him that much, then enter the grave with him and leave your husband alone,” she said.

No matter what I said, it didn’t make sense to my mother. She handed the phone to my dad, and he added fuel to the fire. I ended up kneeling before my husband and begging him to forgive me for crying over my ex’s death.

He gave me the silent treatment for weeks. He didn’t sleep at home on several occasions. He even told his elder brother that he was convinced I still had something going on with my ex, hence the tears. I had to explain myself to his brother, then to his sister, and finally to his mother when she called to ask what had happened.

A few days after talking to his mom, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t even tell him because of his mood. But then I thought the news of the pregnancy might lift his spirits, so I shared it with him.

When I told him, he frowned and asked, “How sure are you this pregnancy is mine and not Alfred’s?”

I felt as though I’d been accused of adultery in front of a crowd.

“Ah! Is that really how you think of me? Wow…”

Then I broke down in tears again. He still insisted I wasn’t crying because of what he had said but because the father of my baby was dead. Weeks later, he apologized for saying that and asked me to forgive him. He admitted he had gone too far. I forgave him, but the pain ran too deep.

After I gave birth and went to stay at my parents’ house, I didn’t want to return to the marriage. Something had changed. Some feelings were gone. Some spark had been lost. But I returned all the same.

Around May, it was announced in church that Jacob and Winifred were getting married and that the congregation should support them in prayer. They were called to the front of the church so we could all stretch out our hands and pray for them.

My husband squirmed restlessly in his seat.

While everyone had their hands lifted in prayer, I opened my eyes and realized my husband was gone.

Winifred is my husband’s immediate ex. I wasn’t in the church when they were dating, but I had heard the stories. Before our wedding, there had been rumors questioning why my husband had chosen to marry an outsider when he already had a girlfriend in the church. That girlfriend was Winifred. To make matters worse, Jacob was my husband’s friend in the church and knew that Winifred had once been my husband’s sweetheart.

My husband walked out of the church and never came back. He went home and left us there. When I asked him why, he said he had an upset stomach and had to rush home. The church had toilet facilities. Yet all day, my husband kept visiting the bathroom at home at least once every hour.

I watched him keep to himself. I watched him pace up and down absentmindedly. I watched him stare at his food until it went cold without touching it. I watched him wear a frown when all he needed to do was smile. Days later, I picked up his phone and went through it. He had been questioning Winifred about why she had chosen to marry Jacob.

“When did it start, and how did you get here?” my husband had asked. “Are you doing this to spite me?”

I read everything and even took screenshots. The next morning, I told him, “I cried for the dead, and you accused me of infidelity. Why are you crying over the living? You’re still seeing Winifred, aren’t you? Why should her marriage bother you?” He stood there blinking like a mall mannequin.

His first words were, “How dare you go through my phone? You stole my password to access my phone? Then you’ve probably stolen my Mobile Money PIN and my ATM PIN too. You’re a thief!”

He got angry and left the house, thinking his anger would make me back down.

I’m currently living at my parents’ house. I didn’t announce to the world that he was still emotionally attached to his ex, but he has turned the whole issue into the fact that I went through his phone.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

I looked him in the face and said, “Obviously, you don’t want this marriage.” I’ve been here for almost a month. I told my parents that until I see genuine remorse and a sincere apology from him, I’m not going back.

At the moment, he’s using his family to apologize on his behalf. I listen to them, but I give them no assurances. It’s him I’m waiting for. Or am I stretching this issue too far?

—Mansa

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