She’s a single mother and came to look for accommodation where I lived. She didn’t get a place so I directed her to the next house and she got a place there. We became very good friends when she finally moved into her new place. She’s a teacher and very good at heart.

Where I live belongs to my parents but they built their retirement home and left the whole place for me to manage. So I live in the master bedroom that has two bedrooms, a toilet and bath, and a kitchen. A very spacious place.

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Anytime she came to visit, she told me she wished she lived in a place like that. When she had things to do in town, she would bring her daughter to stay with me and she would go and later come for her. The friendship went deep until it became love.

She would come and visit my place and not go back to her house. At one point, it even felt like we were living together as husband and wife. Her daughter slept in one room while we shared the other. It was bliss living with a woman like her.

We started talking about marriage when the relationship was only at the early stages. I loved her that much but I needed to put certain aspects of my life together to be able to marry her. When she pushed for the time we would get married, I told her later in two years but it could be shorter depending on what happened along the way.

A year later, her rent was due and needed renewal. She didn’t have the money. I told her to move in with me so I would save the money I could have used for her rent towards our marriage. She said, “But you haven’t married me so why should I move in with you?”

The question surprised me a little because she didn’t stay in that rented house that much. For several months, she had been living with me. I asked, “But what is the difference? You’ve always lived with me here.” She said that was unofficial. Moving in officially to live with me signaled something different.

I didn’t get the money she was looking for and because she couldn’t renew the rent, she looked for a cheaper place and went to rent it. After paying for the rent and moving there, she told me I should pay for her daughter’s school fees because she had no money left on her.

I didn’t have any problem paying but I had to point out the double standard to her. “You always use marriage as the reason you won’t do anything for or with me but when it comes to you, you want me to do what only married men do for their wives. Why should I pay your daughter’s fees when we are not married?”

She called me petty. She said I was paying her back when all I could do was just help. I didn’t pay the fees and because of that she stopped talking to me for days. She wanted me to pay her rent when I had a place she could live for free and then wanted me to pay her daughter’s fees when we were not married. But I loved her and wanted her to be my wife so I later went to her place and had a conversation with her.

I told her I was very close to being ready. She only had to live with me for a year and we would get married. I know deep in my heart that I wasn’t lying but she said she wouldn’t do any of that until we were married because men can disappoint.

I understood her perfectly and decided to continue the relationship with her. I saved money. God being so good, a tenant left and another came to occupy the space and I got money from the transaction. I was updating her on everything and how close I was to marriage. Her daughter loved me so much she even came to spend weekends with me while her mother had time for herself.

She brought her daughter to me one Friday evening and said she was attending a friend’s mother’s funeral out of town early the next morning. When the girl came, she didn’t come with any school books she could learn with or even her tablet to play with so the next day, I decided to go with her and fetch them. I had a spare key.

We got there around 11 a.m. and my girlfriend was in her room when she had called early that morning to tell me she was on her way. I knocked and knocked and even called her phone. She didn’t answer any of that. So we waited at the door until she later opened it and I realized there was a man inside with her.

I stood there like a toy, asking her what was going on. The man didn’t look scared or disturbed. He was seated comfortably, pressing his phone. I asked, “Is that the funeral you said you were attending? The funeral is happening in your room?”

My heart was beating abnormally but I stayed calm while I took all of the guy in every now and then. I left her daughter there and walked away with my heart broken into pieces. “So this is why she didn’t agree to live with me? She had another man?”

We didn’t talk for three days. I was the one looking for closure so I called her. She said, “What do you expect me to say? What explanation will I give you for you to think differently about what you saw?”

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

“So it’s true?” I asked.

“I’m sorry about everything but I don’t have anything to say,” she answered.

I learned my lesson but the hard way. Love is not something you do with your heart, else it breaks. Love with your head. I’ve never heard anyone say they had a head break after a relationship ended bitterly. It’s always the heart that suffers. Preserve your heart. Love with your head.

—Kobby 

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