My wife’s mom acts like a businesswoman in everything she does. She would come and visit us and we would have to give her transportation money and also pay for the things she brought us that we didn’t ask her to bring. When my wife was sick and wasn’t getting better, she decided to go home and stay with her mother so my mother-in-law would take care of her. Every Monday, this woman would call and ask for money for taking care of my wife.
FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX
She wasn’t buying drugs or taking her to the hospital but she collected money for taking care of her own daughter. When my wife was about to leave, she sent me a bill of GHC1,100 for the use of electricity and water. I called my wife and asked if she was aware and she told me not to pay. “Then speak to her,” I told my wife. “Tell her we are unable to pay that amount so she doesn’t call and ask for it from me.”
A week after my wife had returned, this woman called still demanding her money. I told her I didn’t have that amount and my wife also said she would take care of it so I shouldn’t pay. She got angry, telling me she was a widow managing her life and meagre resources. I don’t send her a monthly allowance so I shouldn’t expect her to also use her little money to take care of my wife.
This issue dragged on for over a month. I still didn’t pay. My wife kept quiet as her mom called to harass me for the money. So when my wife got pregnant and told me she would want to go home and deliver, I said no. “So your mom would be sending me bills? Never. Give birth and my mom will come over to take care of you.”
She insisted she wanted her mom by her side. I insisted I had no penny to give her mom for taking care of her own daughter. After going on and on about this, we met in the middle. She would stay and her mom would rather come and help take care of the baby, at no cost. That was very important to me, to let her know she was coming at no cost.
My wife delivered and her mom came with some stuff she said was for a new mother and the baby. I paid GHC300 for those things. But later I realized bringing this woman to live with us was the greatest mistake I could make in my marriage.
She chose what she would do and what she wouldn’t do. I appreciated the fact that she wanted to get me involved right from the start by teaching me how to bathe the baby and how to carry her. I’m a very fast learner and also excited about it. I would return from work and they would be waiting for me to bathe the baby. The baby would cry at night and they would wake me up to put the baby back to sleep. As young as two months, I was the one doing all that.
I told my wife, “I’m the only one in this house who has to wake up at dawn and prepare for work and come home late in the evening. If you reserve baby duties for me, how do I get rest?”
This was a low-tone conversation between me and my wife but she was so loud with her answers that her mother got to hear what we were talking about. Her mom jumped in, “If you’re tired, she’s also tired from doing the work all day while you were away. So who should take care of the baby?”
The fact that she jumped into our conversation got me very angry. I told her, “This is a conversation between me and my wife. We haven’t asked for your opinion so kindly keep it to yourself.”
My wife attacked, “Is it my mom you’re talking to like that? Someone who has left everything behind to come and help?” I fought back, “Help with what? What does she do around here? She can go today and I will bring my mom to do a better job.”
This woman said I had called my mom a better human being than her and she was never going to forgive me for that disrespect. She even said words that sounded like curses on me but I’m not a person who gets scared of empty curses. The two of them formed a gang to fight me. What amazed me most was my wife, who didn’t realize that her mother was destroying our marriage.
I would come home from work and there would be no food. She would tell me my “better mom” should come and cook for me. My wife would stand there and do nothing about that. I stopped giving housekeeping money and rather concentrated on buying what the baby needed. That also brought another problem. I woke up to fights and slept with fights hanging around my neck.
They gossiped about me when I walked by. They would see me and burst into laughter as if my existence was a comedy channel to them. Every night I tried to speak to my wife about the issues and how they were affecting my marriage. Somehow, her mom would hear and use it against me.
One day I got fed up and asked her mother to leave my house. The baby was about six months old and my wife had started working. It was her mom who took care of the baby while we were away. Tolerating them for that long nearly broke my spirit and made me look like half a man. I gave her a week to leave. Later, when my wife shouted at the top of her voice that her mom wasn’t going anywhere, I made it three days.
When the three days were up, my wife said, “If my mom leaves today, I’ll follow her.” I said, “Fine, you can follow her. Anything that brings me peace at this point, I’ll fight for it.”
Days later, my mother-in-law left and my wife followed. I tried to stop her and she shoved me aside and followed her mom. I knew it wouldn’t last because she needed to go to work but she followed her anyway. The only thing I missed was my daughter but calm was finally restored in my house. I slept better. I came home to meet my house just as I had left it.
Two months later and my wife is coming back, telling me some elders have spoken to her so she has changed her mind. I said, “Then go and live with those elders. They spoke to you and not me. You’re not coming back here unless you’re coming for your things.”
Days later, I’ve received calls and delegations from her family begging me not to break the marriage because of what happened. I told them everything that happened including my mother-in-law charging me money for taking care of her own daughter. When her elder brother came to plead, I told him, “You’re a man like me and you’re married. Tell me the truth. Is that how your wife’s mother behaves in your marriage?”
Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying
He was equally shocked but told me they were going to do everything to keep their mother away from my marriage if she was the problem. I still haven’t accepted her back. She hasn’t given me enough reasons to bring her back to this house. Maybe this will be the end of us and I don’t really mind. Or am I being too hard on my wife?
NO you are not being hard enough , you need to reclaim everything power and authority in your house and marriage . Your wife and mother won’t stop at that therefore you need to press on hard until she finally submits as a wife . Am not asking you to bully her but be strong . Some women like to challenge and debate their husbands authority .
Good you showed who is boss here ,its your own home and you have to control it snr .
If not the elders ,will she have learnt sense, keep her mother at arms length and make it clear if at any time she tries to bring g her mum into your marriage or home,she will go back with her permanently.
Bring your mum to stay with you for a while so she can see the difference 😉.
Grill them a little more and then allow her to come back under your authority going forward.
I always pray and bless my mother inlaw for her unconditional love and care for me ,our kids and her my wife .