My boyfriend lives abroad. I’ve known him since I was 15. We attended the same church, and even though he was six years older than me, we were friends. My family members know him well; he used to come to our house so we could cook and eat together. Two years into our friendship, he proposed a relationship to me, which I turned down because I was young, still in school, and didn’t want any distractions.

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He eventually travelled abroad, and after many years of no contact, we reconnected on Facebook and exchanged numbers. In 2018, when he visited Ghana, he came to see my family and me. He was still insisting on us dating, but I refused once again. That was how we stopped texting until he vanished into thin air.

Back in 2016, I dated someone, and the outcome was horrible. Since then, I haven’t been in any sexual relationship to date. I don’t know how to double-date, so when I’m with you, it’s you alone. I love very hard, and I’ve realised that love is my weakness. That was the reason why I was refusing to give him a chance, so I wouldn’t hurt myself.

READ ALSO: My Mother Thinks My Boyfriend Is Too Ugly To Marry Me

In 2024, while I was in my final semester writing my exams, I came across his Facebook page, texted him, and that’s how he entered my life again. Should I say I was pressured into accepting his proposal? Maybe yes. He said he had been waiting for me to accept him for a long time, so I should finally say yes, and I did. I was 27 years old, and he was 34. Three months into the relationship, he proposed marriage, and I accepted. He was rushing the marriage arrangements; I had to ask him to slow down for me to finish school before he thought of even coming to marry me.

I’m the type of woman who finds it difficult to ask men for money. I’d rather sleep hungry than ask a man for financial help. Life dealt with me early, a story for another day so I learned to be independent at a young age and went into business. I funded my own tertiary education without any help from anyone.

A few months into the relationship, this guy started asking me for financial assistance because he knew my business was doing well and I never asked him for a dime. Sometimes, I shopped for goods for him from Ghana and paid all the delivery fees abroad without asking him to reimburse me, and he never bothered offering to pay me back.

Whenever I went to the market and saw something that would fit him, I’d buy it with my own money and show it to him later. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even say a simple thank you. Because I loved him and we were planning to get married, I didn’t see anything wrong with shopping for him or supporting him financially when he needed help.

He also has anger issues that I didn’t know about until we started dating. Sometimes he would hang up on me and call back later to apologize, yet he kept repeating the same behaviour. I suggested he see a therapist because I couldn’t cope with it. Still, because I loved him, I endured the attitude and disrespect. His choice of words would destroy me emotionally, physically, and mentally. If I confronted him about something he did that upset me, he would give me the silent treatment for days. When I eventually reached out, he would speak carelessly and say, “I’ve said what I’ve said.”

The silent treatment became unbearable, so I decided to stop reaching out whenever we had an argument. He would resurface after a few weeks and act as if nothing had happened, and the relationship would just continue.

Then one day, I was scrolling on TikTok when his page popped up on my FYP, and what I saw was something else entirely. When I questioned him about it, he got angry, and I ended up having to apologize, oo hmm.

When A Man Cheats And Doesn’t Disrespect You, It Should Be OK

Another time, I saw a lady under “People You May Know.” I checked her comment section, and to my surprise, my guy was there begging for her number. I decided to check his own page, and I found another woman he had commented on, professing his love to her: “I love you, sweetheart.” I visited her page and saw how he leaves comments on every single post she makes. I got jealous and confronted him, and that day, I received the worst insults of my life. He told me he is young and won’t let any woman kill him early, and that if this is how I plan to behave when we get married, he will leave or divorce me and walk away.

I don’t know what I want. Should I let him go and focus on me?

—Nicole

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