In July, my boyfriend talked about going home with me to see my mom and ask for my hand in marriage. Five months later, I am still dragging my feet. I keep giving him excuses and telling lies I didn’t think I had in me to tell, just to stall. I know I can’t keep doing this to myself, lest he gets frustrated and leaves me.

I was 22 when we started dating. Five years later, he wants to marry me. When he brought it up, I jumped for joy. Then, when I went to bed and was about to dial her number to call and tell her the good news, I stopped in my tracks. If my memory serves me well, my mom has said some nasty things about him.

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When she first found out he was the one I was dating, she told me, “If you marry that man, you’ll have ugly kids, so you better think about it.”
Oh, I was too dumbfounded to even speak.
The comment she made about my man isn’t true at all. He looks fine. She has only ever seen him from afar, yet she has already concluded this about him.

The words she spoke shattered me. My mother isn’t the best of mothers to me. She is always interested in my younger sister’s life, always remembers her birthdays, and celebrates the big milestones in her life, while she always forgets mine. Yet when it comes to my love life, she suddenly wants to be at the center of it all, be involved, and choose for me. I haven’t really given her that space.

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If she has said this before, just by seeing him from afar, won’t she just treat him like a nobody and disgrace me when he finally comes to see her in person to ask for my hand in marriage? And that is why I haven’t told her about the proposal at all. Believe me, that comment is even nice, because the things she says are much worse.

That has been my biggest headache for the past five months. How do I fix this?

—AMY

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