On our first date, she came with her mom. When she mentioned that it was her mom, I thought she was joking but the woman’s dressing actually depicted a mother. She was wearing a kaba and slit with a headgear to match.

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I whispered in her ear, “But why would you come on a date with your mom?” I was whispering in the lowest decibels possible but this woman heard and said, “Me ba, I’m not here to terrorize you because you’re dating my daughter. Just get me something to eat and I will sit far from you.”

I was shocked. I looked around to see if there were cameras around for a prank. I didn’t see any. She said, “Oh, my mom is like that. There’s nothing about me that she doesn’t know. I didn’t want to leave her in the house lonely.”

This woman ordered jollof rice and chicken and asked for Coke on the side. Then she walked to sit in the corner as if she didn’t come with us. She faced away from us as if she were alone.

I told her, “Next time, kindly let me know so I would prepare for it.” The night was calm. I was anxious but at some point, I brought myself into the occasion and we had a very good conversation and date. When they were about to leave, her mom wanted to take some of the rice away because it was so good.

My girlfriend whispered, “Mom, it’s okay.” But she wouldn’t listen. She asked me if she could take a plate home and then said, “But it’s okay if you can’t. You’ve done your best already.”

I ordered the rice and chicken and she took it away. All night I was thinking about it. When she got home and called, we talked about it. I think she was embarrassed because she asked if her mother’s behavior worried me and I said it was fine. I asked if she did that anytime she had a date and she said no. I was the only one she had introduced her mom to.

Days later, I was on the phone with her when I heard her mom’s voice in the background, asking if I was the one she was talking to. My girlfriend said no and her mother said, “If it’s not him then who else? Give me the phone, let me talk to him.”

“Hello Alex, is that you? Thank you so much for the other day. I should have thanked you a long time ago, pardon my manners. But when are you coming to visit? I want you to get me something when you come.”

I asked what she wanted and this woman said, “Anything from your heart but I would love it if you rather sent the money you’ll use to buy something.”

I knew right then that I was in trouble. I laughed with her until she handed the phone back to my girlfriend. I said, “Your mom is going to be trouble, I guess.” She answered, “Just don’t entertain her going forward and you’ll be fine.”

So we agreed I wouldn’t visit her house until her mom wasn’t around. She was also going to do her best to keep my issues away from her mom. Not long after this conversation, I saw my girlfriend’s call on my phone. When I picked up, it was her mother, speaking in an undertone and sounding like she had just woken up.

She said, “Alex, I thought you would come anytime soon but I haven’t seen you again after the first time. Sorry to bother you and I know my daughter will be very angry when she hears this but can you do me a little favor? I’ve been sick but I have no money to visit the doctor. Can you send me something?”

I was stunned. As in, I didn’t know how to answer her. I asked where my girlfriend was and she said she was in the bath. I told her I would send the money through my girlfriend to be given to her and she whispered, almost losing her composure, “No, you don’t have to do that. I don’t want her to know so why would you send it to her? Let me give you a number to send it to.”

She gave me a number and I wrote it down. When my girlfriend called later, I told her what her mother had done and she was livid. She cut the call immediately and told me she was going to handle it. Even when I pleaded with her to stop, she didn’t. Later in the evening she told me she had asked her mother to leave her house, so she would be going soon.

I still pleaded and told her I would know how to handle her going forward. She still insisted her mother would go before she broke her relationship.

A week later, we met. She told me her mother had left and I was free to visit her. I spent the weekend with her and it was all about her mother and the things she had done to her.

While lying in her bed, she got a notification and went to check. It was a message from MTN Qwikloan. Her mother had used her phone to take a loan from MTN. “GHC1,000!” She screamed out of shock but when she told me, I nearly laughed.

She called her mom right there and asked her to be honest. The woman was honest. She said she took the loan because she didn’t allow me to send her money. That was the money she used to travel back home. It turned into a war of words between them, my girlfriend crying and asking her mother what sin she had committed by becoming her daughter.

Before I left, I sent her the GHC1,000 so MTN would deduct it. I told her to be patient when dealing with her mom but when I got home, I thought about the series of issues concerning her mother since we met. I asked myself, “Is this a safe house to enter? What can I do to manage a woman like her mother when we get serious?”

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I’ve been looking for answers to these questions and I haven’t had any. My girlfriend hasn’t hurt me in any way. She’s trying her best in life, helping her mom since all her siblings have abandoned her. If I leave her because of her mom, that would be so unfair but how can I stay with her when she has a mother like this? I’m thinking about the future. Please tell me something.

—Alex 

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