I still remember the first day Yaw came into our office building for business. There was this loneliness about him that engulfed him, and I sensed it. I just felt it in my heart to get close to him. From the word go, I knew I wasn’t supposed to have a sexual relationship with him, so when he mentioned it, I shot it down flat by saying I was not meant to be a girlfriend. Even though he didn’t force me, we ended up dating for a year.

All through the year, I kept having that initial feeling, and due to that, we never engaged in coitus, even though we kissed and did other intimate things. In that one year, he told me he was divorced with two children, whom I have met and come to love. When he needed help with his work, I would occasionally come in and help him sort things out.

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He was an educated alcoholic, the kind of alcoholic who drinks himself to stupor and sleeps, but they have been able not to look the part. I hated it for him, so again, I put the burden on myself to help him stop drinking, and it was working.

Once in a while, the feeling of not dating him would become so strong that I would tell him, but then he would just fight it. But the voice in my head wouldn’t just let me be. So, against all odds, I got him to sit down so that we could discuss it extensively, about how uncomfortable I felt each time I thought about him as my boyfriend because I believed that was not part of my purpose in his life.

Even though he didn’t totally agree, he reluctantly agreed to allow me to be without having to think of him as his girlfriend. It took time and constant reminders for him to get used to the fact that I was but his friend and nothing more.

He called whenever there was an issue. Mostly when he had this great urge to drink, he would call, and then we would stay on the phone for hours until he was fine.

I met and started going out with Dzidula some months after that. In the spirit of being transparent, I spoke to him about Nana Yaw. “He is just a good ex-boyfriend of mine. I am helping him overcome his drinking habits.” He was okay with it. We even bonded over some of the things our exes have done, and we would laugh over it.

I thought, or for lack of a better expression, that he never showed that he was insecure about my relationship with Nana Yaw until last year’s Valentine’s Day.

It was late in the night when Nana Yaw called, and by the way he was talking, he was drunk. He yapped on the phone about how he had been meaning to call me but I have a boyfriend now, so he didn’t want to intrude. “Life has been so hard for me. I was thinking of committing suicide, but I decided to speak with you first before I do that to myself.”

Maybe I am too emotional, but it hurt me that he was going through that. I actually don’t like to hear people sad. The next morning, I was still thinking over and over about what Yaw said, and it affected my behaviour towards my boyfriend. He asked what was wrong, and I narrated the whole thing to him.

Just because I was sad over Nana Yaw, he concluded that I still had feelings for Nana, so I should go to him. Apparently, he had been insecure about us from the first time I told him about us. His insecurity was stemming from the fact that Nana Yaw’s place is about 30 minutes’ drive from my place, while he lived in a different region altogether.

Our relationship was never the same again, so we broke up. Nana Yaw has a fiancée, and they are getting married next year.

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My ex, Dzidula, is back in the picture. He says he is sorry and that it was immaturity on his part. He is still interested in me and would like us to try again. He claims he is okay with my friendship with Nana Yaw, but I am doubtful.

Truth be told, after the breakup, it didn’t hurt me that much. So I know I can open my heart to love him again if I want to. But you all know the issue with second coming. Even Jesus is not coming as the Lamb again; He is coming as a Lion. What if he is here to finish me?

Should I accept him back or not? If yes, do I stop being friends with Nana Yaw or what? Help me see the optics here.

— Freda

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