I was doing my internship at a mining company, and that was how I ended up meeting King. He became my very good friend at the company. I was soon going to complete university and desperately needed a place where I could do my NSS service, so the plan I sketched in my head was to form a great connection at the office so that it would be easy for me to come back there.

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A year later, I returned to that same office as a national service person, and he became my direct supervisor. For the second time, he proposed. This time, I was willing to take a deeper look at the proposal. I was just healing from a nasty breakup, so I told him to give me some time to study and think about it.

One day, we ended up at a guest lodge so that he could help me with software that was giving me a hard time at the workplace. Navigating it was hard, and besides the matters of the heart, he was a very diligent man at his workplace who taught me the very things I needed.

It was very late by the time the lessons were over, and the room we had lodged in had two beds, but he wouldn’t let us sleep separately. In his words, “Let’s put warmth to each other’s bodies.” Things happened that night, and the next day, I said yes. I accepted his proposal.

In the first two months, he was an awesome boyfriend. He called after work and before work. We kept a respectful distance at work. He bought my favourite things for me without asking.

In the third month, he started whining about people knowing about our relationship. According to him, a colleague was using his phone and saw our pictures and was spreading them. To him, he felt I was telling people about things in our relationship, so he started acting off with me. I would call, then he would be rude to me on the phone. I would try to talk to him about his behaviour, but he would not listen to me. I was putting in much effort while he was drifting away.

One Tuesday afternoon, while I was in church praying, he sent me a message breaking up with me. After church, I went to his house to plead with him. We ended up being intimate. I thought it was makeup sex, only for him to dash my hope away.

Fast forward to last year January, when I got to know that he had replaced me with a new girl who was interning at the company. I confronted him about it, and he was not in the least remorseful about it. I am very quick-tempered, so I said my piece and called him names. The next day, I was waking up in his bed.

I told him to reconsider his decision of us breaking up. “We are good together,” I told him. He refused. He said he liked the way we were and enjoyed my company, but he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore.

I am very quick-tempered. I say things and regret them later. One day, I went pleading with him to rethink our relationship. He said a lot of degrading things to me, so I returned home, got an egg and cursed him right out.

“King will never marry, and no one will ever see him as a capable man again,” I said. I said a lot of things and cracked the egg open on the floor for the earth to swallow.

I was so angry and hurt when he told me that he had found someone else and had changed for her. Those very things I begged him to change from, his quick-tempered nature, and the mistreatment he meted out to me, he was promising to change for someone else. He was going to give someone else the very things I had begged for while he still wanted me in his life?

He even had the audacity to tell me I’m a good person.

I still have feelings for him, and I want to forgive him, but I won’t because I have cursed him. I want him to feel the pain that I have been through for more than a year now, which is making me bitter. I need help. What should I do?

Jessy
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