I’m a university student, and so is my boyfriend. He’s my first boyfriend and hopefully my last. I’m his first girlfriend too. I love him deeply and see a future with him. I know he loves me too. He gives me the kind of affection I’ve always craved. He’s been my shoulder to cry on, always supportive, caring, and patient. He understands me better than most people and always knows how to calm me down when I’m upset. He’s smart, calm, and God-fearing, and I’ve never seen him angry. Even when someone offends him, he handles it with grace. I admire all these things about him.

We had known each other long before we met again at university and started dating. I know his family. He comes from a good home, and it’s clear they’re well-off.

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We’ve been dating for about six months now, and I’ve loved having him as my companion. I’m not materialistic, so I’ve never asked him for anything, even though I enjoy thoughtful gifts. On my birthday, he gave me a simple but meaningful present, and I still cherish it.

Throughout our relationship, I’ve cooked for him, surprised him with small gifts, and even organized a movie date in my room, buying all the snacks myself. I do these things with my own money, and he’s never done the same for me. I never saw anything wrong with that until my roommate started flaunting her relationship.

Her boyfriend, also our age, buys her expensive gifts, takes her on fancy dates, and gives her money regularly. She shows me everything and talks about their outings. Even after they broke up, she moved on to a senior coursemate who treats her just as well. And sometimes, I can’t help but feel a little envious. I see this in other relationships too.

I’ve never demanded anything from my boyfriend because, like me, he’s a student and not working. I don’t expect luxury gifts. But what bothers me is how he sometimes flaunts his wealth, bragging about his latest iPhone, showing me his bank balance, talking about his time abroad, yet he can’t get me something as small as a teddy bear or a bracelet. It makes me feel inferior.

His birthday is coming up, and I’ve been saving to get him a really nice gift. I’ve stressed myself trying to find the perfect vendor. But after thinking about everything, I feel like a female “Yakubu”—giving so much and receiving so little.

In our society, men are often seen as providers, so my friends sometimes ask:

“You don’t have money for this? Just ask your boyfriend.”

“Ei, I wonder which expensive places your boyfriend takes you to. I can see he’s rich.”

I brush these comments off, but deep down, I feel pressured. I don’t know how to ask him for things without sounding needy or like a gold digger. I thought maybe I wasn’t being direct enough, so I casually asked him for a pastry. He promised to get it, and I reminded him several times. Weeks have passed, and I still haven’t received it.

She Would Introduce Me To Rich Men Who’ll Give Me Money

My parents’ relationship is similar. My mum buys my dad expensive perfumes and gifts, but he never does the same for her. He doesn’t even remember her birthday. He only gives her money for groceries, not for herself, even though he earns more. I don’t want a relationship like that. I don’t want history to repeat itself.

Other men have approached me, promising things my boyfriend doesn’t provide. I reject them out of love for him, but deep down, I wonder if I’m making a mistake. Still, I’m afraid of leaving and ending up with someone worse, someone abusive or unfaithful.

Sometimes I get upset and distance myself from him. He notices. Once, when I was quiet, he asked what was wrong. I didn’t tell him, but he said, “I hope to be able to give you the world someday. Sometimes I feel I’m not enough for you.” I felt bad and reassured him that he could spoil me in the future when he gets a good job. I never told him that was the reason I was upset. He went back to bragging soon after. Maybe it’s not intentional, but it still hurts.

Even if he wasn’t from a wealthy family, I don’t think it’s too much to expect a small gift once in a while, especially when I cook and do things for him freely.

I don’t know how to tell him what’s wrong without sounding inconsiderate. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. But I also don’t want to keep feeling this way.

—Precious

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