I broke up with my ex three years ago. He asked my friend, Erica, who didn’t know the reason why we broke up, to come and beg on his behalf. I told her to stay out of our issue because it was bigger than she could imagine. Gradually, my ex and I got to a place where we agreed that it was best not to come back together.

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Three years later, my friend Erica is here asking me if she could date my ex. According to her, they’ve been friends since we broke up, but nothing has happened between them. She said, my ex proposed to her several months ago, but because she didn’t know how I would feel about it, she kept pushing him away until they got to a place where they had to make a decision.

We have been distant for a while now, Erica and I. I’m working in a different city. We talk once in a while, but I would still call her a friend. I asked her, “Be honest with me. Have you had anything to do with him?” She shook her head.

I said, “If you’ve already slept with him, I swear I will let you continue with no hard feelings whatsoever.”

She insisted nothing had happened between them, and she could swear by the name of her hometown gods. “Then don’t date him. Not because I haven’t moved on, but for your own safety.”

Then I asked her if my ex knew she was coming to consult me. She said my ex had told her not to mention it to me. I said, “That’s all you need to stay away from that guy. He’s up to no good.”

We had this conversation a week ago. She hasn’t called back, and I don’t know if she will listen to me.

My ex and I broke up because I tested positive for HIV. I was so sure he gave it to me, but when I told him about it, it turned into a huge fight and accusations. When he also tested positive, he called me a whore and blamed me for bringing doom to his life.

Later, when he calmed down, he wanted us to get back together, saying we both had it, so it would be best for us to stay together. By that time, I had decided to do life alone and concentrate on my own healing rather than take him along.

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Erica doesn’t know this. And I don’t even know if that guy has been consistent with his medication to the extent that he can’t transmit the virus. It’s the reason I told her to stay away if she hadn’t had anything to do with him. But do you think, as a friend, I should go all out and tell her the truth to protect her?

If I tell her, then it means she will automatically know my HIV status, and that’s what I’m trying to prevent. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

—Sika

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