We started dating when he moved abroad. We dated long-distance for two years, got married when he came to Ghana for only two weeks, and a year later, I joined him here in the USA. Everything moved smoothly.

Since I’ve been here and living with him, we hardly get intimate. At first, the excuse was work. I wasn’t working, so I didn’t complain. Later, it was another excuse that I couldn’t wrap my head around. We would do it today, and it would take days, weeks, and sometimes months before we do it again.

He would close from work and go straight to bed. Even conversations, I had to schedule them, and this country is very lonely. You hardly get someone to talk to or even be with. I’ve been living here for close to a year, and I don’t know anyone around this community.

When I started work, I met Otieno, a Kenyan man who worked the same shift as me. We became friends, and I learned he had travelled to the US to escape a heartbreak. Our conversation got personal along the way, and he told me he had been in the US for several months, but he hadn’t found anyone to be intimate with.

I gave in to him, and we’ve been doing it since. Because of him, I don’t care whether my husband does it with me or not. He doesn’t bother, and I’ve also stopped fighting for it. When he doesn’t talk to me, there’s Otieno. When he doesn’t do his night duty, Otieno does it for me.

He suggested we should get married and make it official. When I talked about my husband, he said, “Do you still have a husband?”

I felt guilty. It felt like I was betraying him rather than betraying my husband. I want to leave my husband for him, but the issue is that my husband has done a lot for me. The fact that he brought me here after a short period of marriage put him in the good books of my parents, and they’ll curse me if I open my mouth and tell them I’m leaving him.

But living with my husband is like a cage. We don’t go out. We don’t talk like married couples do. No intimacy. Nothing. Total strangers trapped in the same room. I close from work, and as I’m leaving Otieno, I know I’m returning to the total quiet of a home. There’s no joy or even friendship.

Just yesterday, I wanted to ask my husband if he wanted a divorce. I don’t know. Is it the right time to discuss a divorce? I want out of the marriage, but I don’t know how to do it. Otieno is waiting for me. I don’t know how long he will keep waiting.

—Julie

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