There’s this girl I’ve been friends with for quite some time. We actually attended the same junior high school, although she was my junior back then. During those days, we weren’t close at all: just a senior and junior relationship, nothing extraordinary.She wasn’t someone I even talked to much. But a few years ago, she became my friend, and I must admit, she’s been a good one.

The problem is, she knows I like her very much, yet she doesn’t seem to feel the same way. What hurts the most is that sometimes she acts like she’s already my girlfriend. We talk on the phone for hours, about everything and anything. Sometimes it feels like we’re in a relationship, but the moment I bring up the idea of us being together, she changes the mood and finds a way to end the conversation.

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Other times, she forgets I exist. I’m left feeling like I’m the only one putting in effort, like I’m the only one hoping. It feels one-sided, and the feeling that I am not loved is agonizing.

Recently, she stopped talking to me just because I told her I liked her and asked her to reconsider. She simply said she was sleepy and wanted to go to bed. This is someone who has always known how I feel about her. I’ve told her, and I’ve been loud about it. I haven’t hidden my feelings, not once.

For the past two weeks, we’ve been talking on the phone consistently, sometimes for over an hour. During those calls, everything feels like we’re dating. She told me she isn’t seeing anyone, and I believed her because we talk almost every day. So I held onto hope. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could win her over.

But just yesterday, I asked her if she had any feelings for me at all, any feelings whatsoever, and she said no. Obviously, the answer hurt me, and I manned up about it. Right now, I feel like I need to cut ties with her because I’m investing time and emotion into something that may never bear fruit. Yet, I still want to keep her as a friend because she’s intelligent and hard-working.

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The problem is, the longer I keep her around, the more my feelings grow. Maybe the saying is true: love grows with distance. But this time, I don’t want to continue. I don’t want her to think I stopped talking to her simply because she didn’t agree to be my girlfriend. At the same time, I don’t want to keep hanging around a woman I care about who will never feel the same way about me. I feel like I’m wasting my time, and it’s draining me.

So now I’m torn. Do I stop talking to her and protect my heart, or do I keep her as a friend and risk falling deeper into something that will never be mine?

—Nelson

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