When I was in the university and about to complete school, I got my girlfriend pregnant. When she came to tell me the news, I begged her to let it go because the two of us were not in a position to take care of a child. She wasn’t a student and, for some reason, she assumed my parents had money, so she thought she would use the pregnancy to lock me down.

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She told me she wasn’t going to do that but would handle the pregnancy until I completed school, got a job, and married her. I told her that was possible but would be a far-fetched dream if she allowed herself to have the child. She insisted on having the baby and disappeared for weeks so I wouldn’t pressure her to abort. When she reappeared, she came with her mother.

I was about to write my final-year exams but this girl and her mother made life a living hell for me. Her mom was always shouting and threatening me to accept responsibility and marry her daughter. It got to a point where I had no choice but to tell my dad about it. He was angry and said he was disappointed in me but when push came to shove, he showed up.

He met with my girlfriend and her mom and told them he’d accepted responsibility, so they should channel all the problems to him. He did that so I could learn, I know. My girlfriend’s mom insisted on marriage. My dad told her I wasn’t in a position to marry. She then said, “He’ll complete school and become a man. Then he’ll marry her.” My dad responded, “That’s not something to be decided now. What’s important now is the pregnancy.”

My girlfriend got angry. Her mom kept shouting about marriage but my dad would have none of that. He sent my girlfriend monthly allowances and when she went to the hospital, my dad paid the bills. I completed school and started my national service. I was at my station when I had a call that she had delivered. I went with my dad to see her. We had a girl who looked like her mother. My girlfriend’s mom was there. She asked, “So when are you coming to perform the marital rites?”

My dad continued sending money for the child until she was two years old, when I took over because I had a job. By this time, we were both clear in our minds that we were no longer in a relationship and marriage was not going to happen, but I was going to take care of my daughter regardless.

When our child was four, my ex had a new boyfriend. Immediately the man entered the picture, she started giving me rules to follow. I was not supposed to call her again and she wasn’t going to call me, but I shouldn’t default when it came to sending the monthly allowance. I was sending the amount every month for almost a year but we hadn’t spoken. One day I called to see my daughter and she got angry that I was calling.

“You said you won’t marry me so why are you trying to destroy my relationship? Why are you calling? Do you want my boyfriend to leave me because of baby-daddy issues?”

This girl wouldn’t let me see my child so I told her I wasn’t going to send anything until I saw my daughter. For over a year, I didn’t hear from her and I also didn’t send anything.

Out of the blue, she called. She said her boyfriend had left her because she was a born-one and it was all my fault. That aside, her rent had expired so I should pay her rent for her. “Me and your baby can’t end up on the street. Pay for the roof over our heads or we’ll have to come and live with you.”

Because I didn’t agree to pay the rent, she took me to Social Welfare, saying I hadn’t paid child support for years and, aside from that, she was being ejected but I had the money and had decided to watch them end up on the street.

This issue dragged on for months. I’d resumed paying child support but she said it was too small and kept demanding that I pay the rent.

It was later agreed that I should pay half of her rent since my daughter was living with her. She brought me a rent figure of GHC2,500 a month and said I should pay for a year while she paid for a year. I laughed. “I’m paying GHC800 a month for rent but I should pay GHC2,500 for you? I would be crazy to do that.”

This woman packed her things and came with my daughter to live with me. I took my daughter in and forcibly dragged my baby mama out of my house. She reported me to the police for assault. I had a girlfriend I’d dated for two years. She left me because she wasn’t ready for such baby-mama drama. My daughter’s mother was bent on bringing me to my knees and her mother supported every move.

At the police station, we met an elderly policeman who sat both of us down and advised us to settle our issues amicably because if it went to court, none of us would win. The man asked me to do everything within my power to pay her rent and let peace reign. He led the negotiations until my daughter’s mother agreed to accept GHC1,000 a month toward her rent as compensation for me assaulting her.

After the police case, my dad said, “We’ll have to fight in court to gain custody of your daughter or else this problem will continue but before that, let’s do a DNA test on the child first to be sure.”

We secretly ran the DNA test on the child and she wasn’t my daughter. I didn’t want to believe the results. I asked, “Are you sure you haven’t swapped samples? Are you guys really sure?”

My dad called a meeting with my baby’s mother and her mom and announced the DNA results to them. They called us jokers and my dad said, “You’re free to do your own and bring the results. I’ll pay for it if you don’t have the money to do it but by all means you should do it or my son isn’t going to pay a penny. If we don’t hear from you, we’ll take the issue to court.”

This issue dragged on until we finally appeared before a judge. Eventually, the court asked us to run the test again under the supervision of the court. We did and the result came out the same: I wasn’t the father.

You should have seen her face in court that day and that of her mom. I was deeply hurt and so down that I burst into tears.

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

For over eight years I’d taken care of another man’s child. Not only that, but there had also been the embarrassment, the fights, and the police and court cases. I took a deep breath and said, “I’ll never forgive you for what you’ve cost me. Whenever you see yourself suffering in life, know that the gods are working in my favor. Prostitute.”

She couldn’t utter a word. She strutted out of the courtroom like a shadow and I haven’t heard from her again since.

—Elder 

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