“Knowing what you know now about your husband, would you marry him if you were marrying today?”
A friend who’s getting married soon asked me this question. She was already scared of marriage so I didn’t want to worsen her fears. I nodded my head and said, “Yeah I will. I mean it rains everywhere so why not?”
We’ve been married for thirteen years. I was young and in love. I was twenty-five. My husband was five years older. His age was good for me because I knew I would benefit from his experience. Thirteen years after marriage, I feel he benefited from my intuition as a woman.
The longest time he has remained in a job is two years. He’s either sacked or he would leave because someone was the problem. He’ll be home for a year relying on my income while pretending to be looking for a job. A job he’ll get and leave a year later or get sacked.
He started drinking. He’ll take my money to the bar and come empty-handed. We fought. We slept apart. He didn’t eat my food because he thought I would poison him. Today, you look at him and he looks nothing like the man I married; bald, pot-bellied, fat and has given up on himself. He’s only forty-three but looks like he’s in his early sixties. His father looks younger than him.
He’s currently working a new job. He has promised me it’s the last time. “I’ll retire here, trust me.” I don’t trust him. He’s not a man who keeps his word. I have a good job. We should be rich if this man put his life together right from the start. We have three kids. They’ve been my sole responsibility and the sad thing is, the kids are aware so they run to me for everything.
Who would marry such a man if they knew this is how the marriage would be like? I’ve contemplated divorce. Not once and not twice. I keep telling myself, “Maybe he’ll change. Maybe he’ll be better. His kids love him regardless. Let’s see.”
He has never changed but I’m still here feeling trapped when the escape door is clearly opened. If I’ll tell my friend the truth, I’ll say, “No I’ll not marry him but now he’s a choice I made. He’s the vow so I will hold on to it and see what the future brings.”
You see I’m still talking about the future? I never learn. That’s my weakness.
—Esther
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Y don’t you sit down and ask him why he can’t keep a job or y he is unwilling to work . You can separate from him that will be a wake up call for him . I believe this will work because since you are shouldering all the expenses therefore he is being irresponsible. In this life you enable what you tolerate. If it doesn’t work don’t forget to pray because prayer can make the impossible possible.