Rosebel was a young prayerful student who caught the eye of many men in our neighbourhood. I was no exception. Everyone in the neighbourhood labeled her a hard girl because of the way she carried herself. Men who proposed love to her met her thick wall of rejection. I saw some of it. I heard stories of others. Yet, I was not deterred. I was taught at a young age that if you love a woman, you have to let them know no matter what. So although I was certain she would reject me, I still went ahead and expressed interest in her.

To my utter surprise, she said yes. I couldn’t believe it. I told myself, “This girl is a good girl. And I am her first boyfriend. I am going to worship her like a goddess. I want to make sure she doesn’t go through life saying men are bad. Because of me, she will know that there are good men out there.” Because she was in school, I made it a point not to touch her. We just used to talk as friends. I didn’t disturb her with, Let’s go out,” or anything of the sort.

A year later, she completed school. That was when we started behaving like boyfriend and girlfriend. I loved her so much that I always put her first in every decision I made in the relationship. I was intentional about not hurting her. I am not bragging but I treated Rosebel like a queen. Even if we had problems and I knew I was right, I apologized. When I was wrong too, I apologized. I don’t have much but I always bought her gifts.

It was important to me that she knew how much she meant to me. I also wanted God’s hand in our relationship. So once in a while, I sowed seeds in the name of our future together. I washed her feet. Worshipped the ground on which she walked. Sometimes I would even kneel before her to apologize when I was wrong. At that time she was also doing her best for things to work. We were on our way to building a future together, I was so sure of it.

Then all of a sudden, Rose started changing dramatically. She stopped admitting that she did anything wrong if she was wrong. Instead of apologizing, she would defend her actions. If I tried to set her straight, she would rather get angry at me. Then I would be compelled to say sorry to her, for the sake of peace. Before you judge me, I am not saying I never did anything wrong. After all, I too am a flawed human. But I know when I am wrong and I don’t have a problem admitting it.

Due to her sudden change in behaviour, I started monitoring her closely. Whenever she visited me, I would go through her phone. I even set call recording on her phone without her knowledge. I didn’t get any incriminating evidence on her phone so I sat her down for a heart-to-heart conversation. “Am I doing anything you don’t like anymore? These days things don’t flow smoothly between us anymore.” I asked her. She became annoyed and said I was overreacting. So in the end, we argued instead of talking about our problems.

One day she came to visit me and I got this urge to go through her phone again. That day I saw that she was talking to a guy named Brother Sammy. They spoke late at night and even texted late into the night as well. I asked her immediately, “Who is this Sammy guy to you?” She responded, “He is a worker who was recently hired by my folks.” “Your new worker and you talk to him often?” I asked in response. She told me to stop being negative, and that there was nothing going on between them. I considered that this guy in question is only twenty-one and has nothing to his name. Why would my girlfriend leave me for him? So I chose to trust that they were just friends.

In the second year of our relationship, she became worse. Every little thing led to a fight. I am talking about petty problems that could be resolved with a simple conversation. Rosebel would rather shout at the top of her voice than quietly resolve issues. I remember the first fight we had, she slapped me in the heat of the moment. I have taught myself never to hit a woman so I ignored her.

The second time we argued, she was shouting so loudly that you would think we were engaged in World War III. I am the quiet type so I was speaking with my inside voice the entire time. I felt uncomfortable by her screams, especially knowing that my co-tenants would hear her. Why would I want the entire neighbourhood to know that I am arguing with my lady? So I held her mouth to shut her up. This lady said I was beating her. I let her go immediately and apologized.

There was a time I noticed she was talking to a guy I had warned her about. It made me uncomfortable so I confronted her. It turned into another argument. Out of anger, I hit her with my pillow repeatedly. She also got angry and slapped me. The sound was so loud that my landlady heard it and came barging into my room to separate us.

Our next big fight was about Sammy. She told me the guy proposed to her. “Why won’t he propose to you? You are the one giving him attention.” She tried to dismiss my concerns but I refused to let that happen. Her defense was to start shouting at me again. I held her mouth again to shut her up but it only angered her more. She insulted me miserably. I was so frustrated that I threw up my hands in the air and said, “We are done! I can’t do this anymore.”

Instead of her to calm down, she started packing her stuff into her handbag. I didn’t want her to leave in that manner so I quickly locked the  door and hid her phone. She was still determined to leave so I held her. The next thing I heard was “Wham!” The slap was so painful that I couldn’t control myself. I hit her back before I knew what I was doing. The moment I came to my senses, I was filled with regret. I was down on my knees immediately. I apologized repeatedly. She said we were cool. We hugged and kissed before she went home. All was well again, I thought.

We were talking while she was on her way home. But the moment she arrived at her house she stopped answering my calls. I had to call one of her siblings before I got the chance to talk to her. She said I broke up with her so we were done. “I thought we resolved those problems,” I asked her. She didn’t mind me. In the evening, I faked sickness but she still ignored me. I even made one of my friends call to tell her I was in the hospital. For two whole days, Rosebel didn’t talk to me. When we finally spoke I asked her to give me another chance. She blocked me instead.

Three weeks after the breakup, I was in a lot of pain. I was still in love with her so I reached out to her on TikTok. I poured my heart out,  and she replied with a love emoji. I thought I wasn’t seeing it right until she called me. She apologised for every wrong she did to me. I accepted her apology and proposed that we give our relationship another go. She agreed and said she would do things better.

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I noticed a few changes in her this time around. They were not good changes. I was always the one calling and texting her. If I don’t do it, she wouldn’t call either. When I complained she said, “I am figuring a few things out. Give me some time.” I said okay.

Just the other day I called her but she was on another call. I called her again but it was her sister who answered the call. I asked whom she was talking to, and this girl said, Sammy. I was surprised. I asked her, “Didn’t Rosebel tell you what Sammy did to her?” She said no. According to Rose, Sammy tried to use juju on her but she caught him. So I was surprised she didn’t warn her younger sister about him.

The next morning I asked my girlfriend if there was something she was not telling me. Later, she admitted that she was in a relationship with Sammy. She accepted his proposal after our breakup. I was shocked. We broke up for only three weeks but she moved on already? She said she loved the boy and that she didn’t know how she was going to break up with him. How could she do this to me? We were together for two and a half years. Did that mean nothing to her? Now, she says she will break up with us both.

Although I haven’t made it in life financially yet , I am better than that small boy she doesn’t want to let go of. I pay my rent, pay my fees as a distance student, and work at the same. I am only twenty-eight so my life is just beginning. I know things will get better for me soon. This boy lives in a single room. He only completed high school last year. Why would she want him? Is it that he finally succeeded with the juju? What at all do some of you women want? I met many ladies after our breakup but I ignored all of them thinking we would work things out eventually. But look at me now. Only three weeks and she moved on? I feel like dying.

—Doug

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