On the 25th of December 2022, I met Akos on my way to work. Her beauty struck me. I wanted to go my way but I just stood there in my tracks until she got close to me. Although I was shy I boldly said hello. It caught her attention and we stood there in the middle of the road introducing ourselves to each other. “Listen, I am in a hurry cos I am running late for work. I don’t want to take too much of your time either. So is it okay if I take your number? Hopefully, we will become good friends.” She smiled and said sure.

Right from the moment we parted ways, I texted her. She was very responsive. I asked if she would like to go out with me so we could talk and get to know each other. She agreed to that one too. That very day, we met at Osu in the evening. We talked, ate, had some drinks, and spent a wonderful time together. She had this carefree way about her that pulled me in.

After that outing, I invited her to my place. Soon it became a thing. She visited me from time to time and we would have good conversations. One night, things got heated between us and we did it. We went all the way. There were no regrets after that. All that mattered was that we both had a good time.

She runs her own business. And I was so impressed with how hard she worked and how dedicated she was to making things work. So I started giving her money to invest in the business. Before I knew it, something that started out as friends hanging out and having fun all of a sudden became so intense. I didn’t want her to get the wrong impression so I made sure she understood that there was no future for us together as a couple.

I explained, “I have a child who is currently a year old. I am going to marry my baby mama. Currently, I have bought all the items on the list for the traditional marriage. I am currently gathering money for the marriage ceremony. That’s why I’m not married yet.” She said she didn’t mind, and that she understood what we shared was just fun. When we got that out of the way, our casual non-platonic relationship continued as normal.

One night, we were playing a game. Truth or Dare. When it was her turn and she chose truth, I asked her; “If you get pregnant right now, will you keep it or get rid of it.” She answered, “Of course, I am not keeping it.” When I asked her why she said, “I am not ready to have a child right now. I have plans to go to school.” I accepted her answer as the truth. It gave me the assurance that just as I was being careful not to get her pregnant, she would also protect herself from pregnancy.

We dated peacefully for six months. I say peacefully because things became chaotic when she missed her period one month. We ran some tests and it was confirmed that she was pregnant. I am not one to put pressure on a woman when it comes to the choices she makes about her body. So I first told her, “Think about what you want to do carefully, and give me a response in three days’ time.” When the time was due, Akos told me she would keep the baby.

I meant it when I said I am not one to tell a woman what to do with her body. However, I felt the need to explain my situation to her. Before that, I asked her, “A few months ago you told me that if something like this should happen, you won’t keep it. So what changed?” She said her mother advised her to have the baby. This same mother of hers knows that I have another woman I intend to marry so why would she give her daughter that kind of advice?

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Anyway, I didn’t react negatively to whatever decision they made. I only told her, “My kid is not old enough for me to have another child. I can’t afford it.” She said the excuse I was giving was not solid. What is more solid than wanting the financial freedom to take care of your children? Her response upset me so I started ignoring her. I am not proud to admit this but I was rude to her sometimes.

I was hoping it would put her off so she would get rid of the pregnancy but Akos didn’t care. She just told me, “If you are not ready to take care of the pregnancy, my parents will do it.” I thought she was joking but no. Her mother was supportive in every way possible. Long story short, Akos gave birth to a beautiful boy on my birthday.

The woman I intend to marry doesn’t know there is another baby in the picture. She knows I dated Akos though. My neighbors talk. That’s how she found out. I know her like the back of my hand. If I tell her I had a baby with another woman she won’t leave me. However, her family will insist I speed up the marriage process. And I am not financially ready to do that yet.

The naming ceremony of my newborn son is going to take place on Sunday. If I don’t tell my fiancée, my neighbours might tell her. That’s not the way I want her to find out. However, I am not ready to deal with the consequences of telling her myself. This is my dilemma. Which road should I take? Should I just man up, tell her the truth, and accept whatever comes? Or I should let one of the neighbourhood gossips do the hard work for me, so I step in and do damage control?

—Owura

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