I was crushing on him even before he said hello to me. We became friends but I didn’t know what he wanted from me. I knew right from the start that I wanted him so I started sending him signals. Some days he behaved like he had picked the signal. Other days he was just off the emotional radar. This happened for about two months so I told myself, “We don’t always get what we want. I will move on and look for who wants me.”

He came to my house one evening, I sat in his car and we talked for hours. I said I was moving on but my heart said no that evening. While we talked, I fell in love with him all over again. Around 9 p.m. he said he was leaving. I responded, “Awww you’re leaving me so soon?” He responded, “If you don’t want me to leave you then follow me.”

I followed him like a motherless child or like a lamb being led to the slaughterhouse.  While I was sitting next to him in his car, he put his hand on my thighs and started massaging it. He said, “That’s soft. What cream do you use?” I answered, “Creams make the skin, they don’t make the thighs.

He made a stop in a dark corner and looked at me in the eyes and said, “What if I kiss you? Will you slap me?” I answered, “Try it and let’s see.” He tried it. I couldn’t fight it. He was going far with his fingers so I said, “The moon is directly hitting your windshield. Anyone can see us. Let’s look for safety.”

In the next scene, I was in his bed trying not to lose my breath. He was intense, determined to take away every breath I had in me. I held on until he moaned loudly, signifying the end of action. I looked out through his window. The moon was still there, shining on things that didn’t need to hide. It wasn’t a full moon but it was still a moon. I said in my head, “Be ye my witness, dear moon. I gave myself away to him because I love him dearly but tell me, does he love me the same way?”

The Moon doesn’t talk, especially when it’s in half crescent so I got no answer back. Maybe it told me to wait and see. Or it said something like, “Before I grow into a full moon, you’ll get your answer.” I don’t know because I don’t speak the moon language.

Three weeks after the affair, I had a sign of pregnancy. “No this couldn’t be true.” I brushed it aside until I started feeling heavy and my menses delayed. I checked with the first morning urinal and it was true. I was pregnant. I shivered.

After that night, things went back to default— on and off. I even moved on in my mind, unbeknownst to me, he didn’t just penetrate me that night. He also sowed a seed in me.

I called him on the phone; “Edward, I’m pregnant.”

He laughed. “If this is some joke, please come off it because it’s not funny.” I answered, “Honestly, at this moment I will give everything for it to be a joke but the sad thing is, it’s not a joke.”

After work, he drove to my place. He parked exactly where he parked the first time he came around. I sat exactly where I sat the first time he came around. I didn’t look into his eyes with desires. I watched his lips move so I don’t miss any word he would say. He asked me, “So what do we do?” I answered, “It’s there and I’m here. I will have it. You have to tell me the role you’ll play and how we’ll manage.”

He drove away, telling me to give him a few days to think through things. Days later he called, “You’ll have it, right?” I answered, “Yes, I’ve decided it’s the best option.” He said, “Then let’s get married.”

I screamed, “What? Let’s do what? You don’t even like me that much.” He answered, “Who told you? I have demons, yes but I can tame them. Let’s get married.”

Later after marriage, I asked why he was so bent on marriage and he told me, “My parents wouldn’t have agreed for me to have a child with someone else and also marry another woman.”

His parents are well-to-do, and he’s the first child so they have a huge influence on him.

We got married and settled in together. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy because I didn’t know him that much. A few weeks after settling in, the marriage started breaking down. I was pregnant and feeble but he didn’t mind. He maltreated me at any given chance. We were married but we never had sex. The only sex we had was the one that brought the pregnancy.

READ ALSO: My Boyfriend Can’t Give Me What I Wan’t But Everyone Says I Shouldn’t Leave

I was six months pregnant when I had evidence that he had a girlfriend. I took the girlfriend’s number to talk to her and pleaded with her to stay away from my man. It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Not knowing, the girl was there before I even came into the picture. She was the one he was going to get married to until I entered with my wahala. I was calm when talking to her but she was screaming and asking me insulting questions.

She said, “Hold on let me add Edward to the call. If he doesn’t know how to cage his dog, I’ll teach him to do it.” Immediately the phone said, “Your call has been put on hold…” I hung up the call.

I’m a dog. A dog that needed to be caged. The only reason I turned into a dog was I married a man I shouldn’t have had even as a boyfriend. I started crying because I knew what I’d put myself into. I knew he was going to bark. I knew I would be at fault for calling his mistress. I cried until he came to meet me in the house.

I started apologizing immediately after I saw him, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was her. It won’t happen again.”

At least, he should have considered that I was pregnant or he should have forgiven me because I apologized. He didn’t. He descended on me until I felt the baby in me moving. I was scared I was going to get a miscarriage.

In the evening I told him, “Tomorrow when I close from work, I will go to my parents for a while. My hormones are not acting right.” He responded nasally, “Do whatever pleases you.”

I came to my parents with a few things. I lied that the pregnancy wasn’t treating me right so I needed them. They were no fools. When I’d been there for a week and my husband hadn’t called, they knew something was wrong. I told them everything. My mom cried. I cried too. My dad said, “I will talk to him. If he doesn’t want the marriage again, it’s never too late.”

He denied everything I said and labelled me a liar. I expected it but it didn’t push me to go back to him. I stayed until I delivered. He came to see me a day after delivery. He paid the bills and drove me home to my parents. While I was with my parents nursing our child, he was out every day, chilling with the love of his life. He took her home, I learned. They posted their pictures on social media. I was the doormat. They are the feet that stepped on me to get themselves clean.

Before I resumed work, I told my parents and his parents that I wouldn’t marry again. His parents were shocked I was backing out. I told them what Edward told me. That he married me because his parents wouldn’t allow him to marry someone else. They asked me to be patient. While they were asking me to hold on, Edward called every day abusing me.

I asked my parents to return the dowry drink and they did. His parents found it scandalous that I was backing out of a marriage that was barely a year old. They wanted to protect their face and the face of their son but me, I had my sanity and pride to protect and also had a baby to love.

Traditionally, we are no longer together. Legally, we are married but I’m waiting for another year. I will have to raise enough money to be able to go through the divorce and I’m ready.

This is what you get when you marry for the wrong reasons, I believe. But this won’t stop me from going again. When everything is settled and dusted, I will go again when the right man comes along. The second time might be my lucky number, who knows?

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—Eduwah

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