My worst fear as a man came to pass three years after marriage. I lost my job. The news came when my wife was seven months pregnant. I didn’t know how to tell her in her condition so I lied to her for two months.
At first, I said I was on leave. A month later, I started going out there in search of a new job but she thought I was going to work. When she delivered, I gave her the news. She’s the hopeful kind of woman. She said I shouldn’t worry because I was going to get a better job soon. You lose what you have to get a new one. It’s easier to fill an empty hand than a hand that’s already filled, she told me.
Our baby crawled, walked and mentioned her first word, “Dada.” I was still home without a job. I went out there, every day looking for something to do, just anything that could pay me something but I came back home empty-handed. The money in my account got depleted so the responsibilities of the home came to rest on the shoulders of my wife.
I was scared. I know how badly women handle responsibilities when they have to do it all alone. It will look fine for a few months but when it prolongs, they begin to nag. It happens in movies. It happens in real life. It happens to people you know. The story mostly doesn’t end well. So I lived in fear. At some point, I couldn’t eat well because I had no contribution to the final product served to me.
A lot changed in our lives as a couple. The little things. The bigger things. I was the one taking care of the children. My wife is a nurse. Until I lost my job, she didn’t go for night schedules but she started night shifts when I wasn’t getting a job. I’ll take care of the kids while she is at work in the evening and in the morning when she comes, I will continue taking care of them because she will be sleeping all day.
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When the kids went to her, she sent them back to me. “Mom I’m hungry.” She would respond, “Go to your father.”
The day she stopped washing and cleaning was the day I realized my stand in the marriage. I was the wife and she was the husband. Tables had turned but I didn’t complain. Because to be honest with you, she was taking care of the house without complaining. She renewed our rent without telling me or asking for a top-up.
I started working with a friend so I don’t go rusty. I discussed it with her first and she gave me the go-ahead. I don’t earn a salary. He gives me something at the end of the month. What he gives me depends on how much he makes at the end of the month. It’s not much but it keeps me busy. It gives me the power to make little financial contributions. I can buy soap for the house. I can pay ECG. I can pay water bills too. Not all of them together. One at a time in a month.
It’s been like this for some time now. We don’t fight though I’m in a constant battle with myself. We don’t quarrel. I accept my mistakes quickly so it doesn’t generate into something else. Life can be hard for a period but if you learn to manage things well, you’ll be OK. I was OK. Our marriage was thriving until my wife announced that she was travelling abroad.
It came out of nowhere. It wasn’t a plan to travel abroad or a dream to travel abroad someday. Her documents and everything were ready and she even had a date she was going to leave the country. I was like, “When did you start making this move that you didn’t tell me about it?” Her answer was, “If I told you, what would you have done? Would you have paid for my exams or for my plane tickets?”
I couldn’t pay so I didn’t deserve a say.
The most painful aspect of the whole thing is how she has arranged with her family to take care of the kids while she’s away. According to her plan, her parents will come for the kids when she’s gone and according to her, she’s doing that so I can be free and look for a job.
I asked, “So after getting a job and then what? ” She responded, “If you get a job and you think you can take care of them, why not? You can go for them. I’m only trying to help.”
“And you’ll make all the arrangements without my knowledge or input? Who are we, enemies?” I screamed
She doesn’t have plans for our marriage once she’s gone. I asked her about it and she said, “I’m not gone yet. Let me get there first and I’ll know. I don’t even know if I’ll ever come back.” I asked, “So what happens to me?” She answered, “You’re not a child and I’m not your mother that you’ll ask me that question. You can take care of yourself. Ain’t you a man?”
This thing looks like a strategic divorce to me. It’s like a slow poison. It doesn’t kill you immediately. It takes its time. It even makes you feel ecstatic before it finally throws the final blow. That’s how I see things now. She’ll go. Maybe cut communication and frustrate the link between us. When I complain, she’ll then tell me, “If you can’t cope then let’s get a divorce.”
She’s travelling without plans for our future. It looks like the marriage is doomed or I’m getting ahead of myself?
As for the kids, I’ll keep them. When push comes to shove, I’ll send them to my parents and hustle till I’ll be in a position to bring them to live with me. What I’m scared of right now is the future of our marriage.
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She has a few weeks to leave. Maybe, our marriage also has a few weeks to survive. I think once she leaves, we are over. Everything looks like the beginning of the end to me but she says she’ll talk about our future when she gets there. Don’t lose your job if you’re a husband. You won’t only lose a job. You’ll lose everything that makes you a man. You’ll lose balance. You’ll lose your say. You’ll lose yourself.
I’ve lost a lot but I’m about to lose what’s left. I won’t despair. You have to lose what’s in your hands before you can fill your hands with something new. Let’s see how it goes. Maybe I’m wrong but I will be happy to be wrong, for the first time.
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My dear do not be discouraged. Take everything to God in prayers. He gave you this marriage so he alone can save it. Remember now more than ever that Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. He alone can mend what is broken,join what has been separated. Go to God. Pray like the devil is after you.Ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be open unto you. Have you forgotten about this. My advice is to think positive because what ever you wish for, be it good or evil will come to pass whether you believe in it or not. This is not the time to give food to your fears. It time to dismantle it. Man was kept in the garden of Eden to keep it. So this your time to keep it through prayers. Never give up pray before you go out searching for a job. You loosing your job doesn’t make you less of a man or it doesn’t mean all has come to an end. Tell yourself this is the beginning of new and better things. As for you wife dedicate her into the hands of God and ask God to speak to her and reveal to her. Your marriage is your garden of Eden. Let no man throw it away including your wife. It’s time to guard whatever you have left of it. If she wants to go let her but pray that she doesn’t forget you guys and that she should be the better version of the old wife you got married to. Good luck 👍.
MaameAfua has said it all brother. Be positive and prayerful. God is not dead. Most Ghanaians think travelling abroad ends all their problems, pray and leave it into Gods hands and see the hand of God. It is well
Story of my life… I lost my job just around the time marriage was on my mind. The cheese got finished and the bird took flight. It’s been ages trying to find a job with little success. People are in disbelief when they find out I’m not married cos they say I’m too good looking not to be married. But the truth is I can hardly take care of myself properly let alone a family. A man is as handsome as his pocket/bank account. Cheer up! Concern yourself with what you can control n leave the rest to play out. Concentrate on finding a good job, everything else will fall in place.
Not all women treat men like that. I helped a man in life and received a bitter pill for it.
Lesson learned but still upbeat about the future. Everything happens for a reason. It is well.
Everything happens for a reason which we don’t understand at the time. Things will change with time for the better if one learn the key to true success. This is the story of many of us who are trying so hard to stay in the right path. Fish without a tail can not go straight in water, man without passiant can not go in the right path in time. We are all trying to reach a place where we don’t even know what it is or where it is but we feel that there is something at the end of everything. To get there, keep going in the right path ? But what is right path, right path is to win over the negative with positive. Put light into darkness and be patient. Simply ( even treat your enemy good ) do not give up on good and positive force in even the most difficult time. GOD who is the king of all , king of Jesus and everything else is the holder of the scale, and things will start to shift as you keep the positive force in yourself against all the negative surrendered you. And more important ❤️, you will find the true love which will help you survive all. I can’t heal your pain or mine, but I am witnessed in the blue sky that this is the truth of higher life. Keep trying and never ever give up. Please.
Unfortunately people don’t know that our test of love is in the worst of times. The “for better for worse” clause is neglected, but you can’t deceive God. When things go bad they tend to be abusive, inconsiderate and disrespectful but time has a way of getting back at us. So let her be yh and stay positive. God is able
So, do not allow her to take the children to her parents, that will spell doom for the marriage. Take them to your parents or relatives after her departure. I have no doubt that with the prayers talked about above, she will start to see things differently when she gets to “heaven”.
Put yourself together man!
Use her absence as an opportunity to intensify your job hunt. Work hard on it and ensure within the shortest possible time, you will be on out of the woes.
Give her the good news once you’re up and doing. Tell her about the new prospects for the two of you. Once she sees that you have a turn around, she will reconnect with you.
What an emotional story, your sentiments, your expressions evolves from the deepest part of your soul! Sending you hugs my darling… Don’t relent, speak positivity into your being! Don’t hold grudges and burden not your soul, cus Allah doesn’t burden a soul beyond it’s capacity! After hardship, comes ease… It’s well
Hmmmmm the worst fear is a man losing his job and source of income. It is a very tough one. God dey
This is a one sided story. Do you know what the lady too is passing through. People even insult you when your husband is at home. They think you are desperate that is why you got a man at home to look after. Your family doesn’t respect the man and all that. She loves you that’s why she felt leaving is the only solution. That woman is really frustrated. I’m going through same and it’s a very crucial state in a marriage that you feel like vanishing. You can’t talk to anyone about it.
The only good thing about yours is you were once responsible. If only you are telling the truth. The African society and the Christian religion demand that a man take care of his home. It’s even the women in the church that even gossip most about these things. You can’t hide it at a point. We have changed church but still. Try and get something doing, the economy itself is hard and things are really expensive.